Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to Flawless Conversations. I'm Tameka Jones, and today we're diving into how mindset can shift your life, your confidence, your purpose.
You're watching now Media Television.
Welcome to Flawless Conversations, where we explore real stories and actionable insights to help you live the best life life with confidence and purpose. I'm your host, Tameka Jones, and today we're joined by Jessica Hopkins, the inspiring founder of URNA Reclaim your Power, a coaching platform dedicated to helping women heal from narcissistic and emotional abuse.
As a survivor herself, Jessica guides women through her power framework to rebuild confidence, reclaim their voices, and thrive beyond the trauma.
Jessica. Today we're diving into boundaries and how learning to say no can actually be one of the most loving acts we give ourselves.
So many people in our audience struggle with feeling powerful, powerless to say no, which can lead to other unintentional crossings their boundary.
So in your work, how do you teach setting boundaries as an act of self love and not punishment? And welcome again, Jessica, we're glad you're here.
[00:01:39] Speaker B: Yes, thank you so much for having me. It is such an honor to be here with you today.
So to answer your question at Reclaim youm Power and IRNA actually stands for you're not alone.
I was originally going to make an app, so that's why it's abbreviated. But I teach that boundaries aren't punishment, they're acts of self love.
The way I help women see that is by walking through tools and practices I've designed in my programs, my podcast, and my empowerment resources.
We focus on shifting on how they see themselves. So saying no becomes less about pushing someone away and more about protecting and improving their own well being.
[00:02:16] Speaker A: That's good stuff, Jessica. That's good stuff. I always say, I tell my, my clients, women who I coach, that no is a complete sentence and it's okay. Saying no, right? Protects your piece. Right. And saying a lot, yes to your alignment, you know, whatever that means for you. Right?
So, yeah, that's, that's good stuff. I love it, I love it, I love it. What is a simple phrase or mindset? Set shift. Women can use to say no without feeling the guilt, the shame, or just feeling bad about it.
[00:02:53] Speaker B: Yeah, you actually answer that question yourself because I do find women that know is a complete sentence, but if that feels too, too big at first, I would recommend trying something like this.
That doesn't work for me, but thank you for understanding.
It's clear and it doesn't invite negotiation.
And also, no by itself is very empowering, just as silence. So sometimes you don't have to speak. Saying nothing can be just as effective.
[00:03:22] Speaker A: Yes. And can you repeat that one more time for the audience?
[00:03:25] Speaker B: Yeah. Regarding the second part.
[00:03:27] Speaker A: Yeah. What you say about the no. Right.
[00:03:31] Speaker B: No, by itself is very empowering and silent as well. Sometimes you don't have to speak. Saying nothing can be just as effective.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Absolutely. I totally, totally, totally agree with that, Jessica.
How can they test healthy boundaries in low risk situations before taking that big step? Right. How can someone test these healthy boundaries or practice healthy boundaries and low risk situations before taking a bigger step?
[00:04:02] Speaker B: Yeah. I would say start small.
One of the easiest ways to start is by practicing in safe, low stake situations that won't trigger bigger conflict. So for example, declining a store credit card at checkout. We've all experienced that. Right. You have a persuasive cashier say no or tell a friend you can't meet for coffee this week because you need a night to recharge. So those are some simple ways.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: That's, that's, that's key. That, that is key. And like you said, starting small.
Right. I think that will build the momentum. Right. For you to be able to, to, to, to be able to say no to that, you know, that coworker or that boss or even your spouse. Right. Or your kids. Right. So just baby steps. Right.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Also wanted to add that you don't always have to, to please everyone.
Person you should please is yourself first.
[00:04:57] Speaker A: I love that. Because people pleasing right is a fear. Right? We do that out of fear, not out of love.
I love that, Jessica. I love it. I love it. Why does practice in saying no to small things build courage for deeper respect?
[00:05:14] Speaker B: Yes. So every time you say no in a small moment, you're telling yourself, my needs matter and I'm worth protecting. That's not just about the other person. It's about learning. It's about you learning to trust yourself.
So when you've been in a narcissistic relationship, you lose trust in yourself because you've been gaslit, manipulated, or second guessed so much that you start doubting your own reality. And I can speak to that because I lived it myself.
You're taught to override your instincts just to keep the peace. And, and that disconnects from your inner voice. That's why starting small matters.
[00:05:50] Speaker A: Yes. And tell us a little bit more about yourself, how you overcame through your trauma that you've experienced with the narcissistic behavior. Someone in your life, I'm assuming, had that narcissistic behavior and as a result, it impacted you. Let the audience know a little bit more about you and how you overcame that.
[00:06:14] Speaker B: Yeah. It took a lot of self work to discover exactly what was going on in my own personal life.
And once I connected with like minded people who were willing to listen to me and guided me in the right direction, I started reading books on self, compassion, meditating daily, and working with my therapist. And it tremendously helped me. It empowered me, actually, and it created my power framework. So. So my power framework is actually built on how I healed.
So the power framework stands for presence, which I develop awareness. O is taking ownership, setting those boundaries. Because as you know, narcissists, they don't like boundaries, nor they don't like accountability. And then once you set those boundaries, you rebuild your sense of self worth and then you feel empowered to get out of that toxic situation. And then the last step is reclamation. So actually just took my reclamation trip, indentity Fist base, and it was amazing. I highly recommend for those of you who are looking for a solo trip.
But overall, it took about a year or so for me to go through that process.
And everybody heals in a different way. Healing isn't linear. I say that constantly, even on my podcast.
But yeah, honestly, I'm so happy in the place that I'm at right now, because where I was before, that wasn't me.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: The stuff, yes. Healing is everything, right?
Healing is. Is powerful. Right? So as you know, as everyone know, I am the affirmation queen. So I want to ask you, what affirmation can you repeat?
Or do you repeat? Or you can give to the audience so they can repeat whenever they feel that their boundaries are being crossed or they feel uncomfortable in a situation. What affirmation can you give the audience?
[00:08:08] Speaker B: Yeah, and it's just not with boundaries. It's with anything in life. And something I have in mind is the Maya Angelou quote, I still arise. Actually, it's a poem. So I still arise. And it's so powerful because every time I get into situation, I say to myself, I still rise. I got this like, nothing's going to break me down.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: I love that. I love that I rise. Yes.
Speaks to my soul. Speaks to my soul.
So, audience, if you want to hear more about Jessica, stay tuned. We're going to take a break and. And more to come with Jessica Hopkins.
We'll see you in a minute. In a.
We'll be right back to remind you that healing is possible.
Confidence is yours, and that you are flawless.
This is flawless. Conversations on NOW Media television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones. And you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. On. Are you ready? Let's go.
Welcome back to Flawless Conversations.
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Joining us again, Jessica Hopkins, founder of URNA Reclaim your power, Jessica. Jessica's work focus on guiding women out of a cycle of abuse and codependency by building the skills and mindset to prioritize self love, personal healing.
Jessica Many in our audience have spent years putting others first and often forgetting their needs, often believing that giving is safety even when it's exhausting.
How do you help people see that?
Constant caretaking without self care isn't strength, it's depletion.
[00:11:13] Speaker B: Yes, I agree. Constant giving at your own expense isn't love. It definitely is depletion because you matter too.
So when I work with women in my one on one coaching or inside the power collective, we start by rewriting that belief.
Real love, whether for yourself or others, comes from a place of balance, not burnout. So remember, you're not selfish for choosing yourself. So don't ever feel guilty giving to yourself. If you keep giving and giving and giving, you won't be productive, in my opinion. So give to yourself first before you give to others.
[00:11:46] Speaker A: Basically, we have to, right? Because that's where, like you just said, the burnout takes place. That's when medical ailments come into place because we don't take the time out for ourselves, right? We so busy pouring into other people, other things, our careers, our kids, our spouse, our life in general, right? And we pour. Poor, poor, poor pour. And we do it with a smile, right? But then at the end of the day, we're depleted. We have nothing to give ourselves, right?
[00:12:15] Speaker B: Breaking inside. But people can't see that.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes. And a lot of times, a lot of people don't ask for help, right? They just keep doing and keep doing and keep giving and giving and giving until that, that breaking moment occurs, right?
And that's not good.
What self nurturing microhabit can women insert into their Day to day routine to reset from the always giving. So what can they do to nurture this, this, this self love is what it is.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
I would say one of my favorite microhabits is what I call a two minute pause.
Twice a day or daily. Whatever works best for you. So I recommend stepping away from whatever you're doing, put your hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths. We can do that right now, actually.
And you know, it feels great. So just asking yourself, what do you need right now? So don't forget to check in with yourself. Maybe you might need water. Maybe it's stretching. Maybe it's just silence.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Yeah, that's good stuff. That two second pause, Is it two second, Two second pause?
[00:13:30] Speaker B: Did I say two second? Two minutes?
[00:13:32] Speaker A: Is it two minute? You say mean two minute. Two minute. You probably think so. Two minute pause is what we, we need. I think you did say minute. Yeah, two minute pause.
And that helps. Even if it's two seconds, that pause period is. Sometimes we need to. To take a step back to self reflect on whatever it is we're going through in that instant. In that moment. Yes.
Right.
So how do you teach the difference between appropriate giving and sacrificing your own well being? This is, this is a good one.
[00:14:05] Speaker B: Yeah. I help women look at the cost of their giving.
So appropriate giving feels light.
It comes from a place of joy. And you still have energy left for yourself. But when you're sacrificing your own well being, it feels heavy.
You give, but you're left drained, resentful, or even feeling invisible.
That's the difference. And when you start noticing it, you can choose differently. And simply because we have a tendency to. People, please. So I always say check in with yourself first. Go back to that two minute pause. If you notice you're pleasing others more than you're pleasing yourself, it's time to pause and shift. Remember, you matter too.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: Absolutely. You matter too. That's powerful. I'm gonna say that three times. You matter too.
You matter too.
Jessica matters too. Tamika matters too. That's good. I love that. Jessica.
Yeah, that two minute, that two minute pause. Right.
While saying that is. Is, yeah, I matter to you. What gentle practices help them pause and ask, am I caring and caring enough for myself?
[00:15:23] Speaker B: So I love teaching women the mirror moment.
Before you say yes to someone else, take a quiet breath, look inward, sometimes even literally in a mirror and ask, am I caring for them at the expense of caring for me?
It's a pause that can change everything. So because when you Give from a place of wholeness, not depletion. You're fully present and when you're present, your care has more depth and authenticity. So it actually feels good for both people. And I know this from experience.
This is actually a self compassion practice.
When you care for yourself first, you show up whole, present and authentic. And, and that's why it feels good for both you and the person that you're. You're giving to.
[00:16:14] Speaker A: Yes, I agree. And that shadow work, that mirror work is, is. Oh, is. Is key to healing and to becoming, right, to becoming her. And I do it every morning. I get up and I say my affirmations and I'm doing the mirror work right, to start my day. So that's a good way, good practice to, to start your day with, with affirmations along with this, this mirror work.
Jessica, this is, this is good. I love it.
What? Love affirmations help them promise I will feel myself so I can show up whole that women can use. What? Love affirmations help. Help women to promise themselves they can. They can. They will feel their cup before they feel someone else's cup.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: Yeah, thank you for that question. I would say one of my favorite affirmations is I give myself the love I so freely give to others.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: Oh, like that one.
[00:17:12] Speaker B: It's a self compassion practice. So when you live by it, you stop pouring from an empty cup and start showing up whole, present and truly connected. Because remember, I keep saying this, you matter just as much as the people you pour into.
[00:17:27] Speaker A: And can you repeat that affirmation three times for the audience so they can write it down? Yes.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: I give myself the love I so freely give to others.
I give myself the love I so freely give to others.
I give myself the love I so freely give to others.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: I give myself the love I so freely give to others.
That's powerful.
That's powerful.
And that's the affirmation. You can say in the morning, when you get up in the morning to start your day, write it on your mirror, put sticky notes on your refrigerator, put them in your car. Right. To start your day. That's so powerful, Jessica.
This has been incredibly valuable. This information is. Oh, these nuggets you're dropping, Jessica. I love it, love it, love it, love it. Thanks again for joining us today. Where can people find your work and continue this conversation that we're having?
[00:18:23] Speaker B: Yeah, you can connect with me on LinkedIn and Instagram where I share daily tips, resources and empowerment resources for women healing from narcissistic abuse and also emotional neglect and Also, keep an ear out for my new podcast coming out soon. It's called Gallatita no Mas, where we talk about the things we're told to stay quiet and why speaking them out loud changes everything.
Because when silence ends, healing begins.
[00:18:51] Speaker A: And you think. Do you think that's a cultural thing with. With the. The keeping silence and. Or do you think that's just the norm pretty much in all societies or cultures?
[00:19:04] Speaker B: I would say that would be cultural to some extent, because it's very. It's a very communal community. And in some regards, we're thinking that we're being protected.
[00:19:16] Speaker A: Right. What happens in my house, stays in my house type deal. Right? What happens here stays here.
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I can see that as well.
So grab a friend, grab your pen, paper, grab your aunt, your uncle, grab everyone. So more to come with Jessica.
Thank you.
[00:19:40] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:19:41] Speaker A: We'll be right back to remind you that healing is possible.
Confidence is yours, and that you are flawless.
This is flawless. Conversations on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones, and you're watching Flawless conversations on NOW Media Television Vision. Are you ready? Let's go.
We're back with Jessica Hopkins, whose own journey of overcoming narcissistic abuse inspired her to develop her own power framework. She has helped countless of women rewrite their personal narratives, moving from survival into thriving and an empowered life.
Some of us or someone in our audience feel like their wounds have become their identity, and they unsure on how to move past it. And this is a big one because I'm an identity coach. And a lot of times, you know, we women struggle, you know, trying to find who they are, right? Because a society, society, or past relationships or our parents, family kind of have us wear that ugly T shirt and put on who they feel that we should be or who they think we should be, and we end up wearing this ugly T shirt, right?
You often say trauma doesn't define the next chapter.
So how do people start writing that new chapter, Jessica?
[00:21:22] Speaker B: Well, I tell women that your trauma is a chapter, not your whole story.
You start writing the next one by deciding that you are more than what happened to you.
So remember, your past doesn't define you. It informs you.
So you get to decide what comes next. So from my experience, the turning point is when I. I took it as a lesson, not as a life sentence. So you learn from it, you grow from it, and you start writing the next chapter with intention, not from old wounds.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: So what will you tell someone who's in a narcissistic Relationship, a coworker at, at work or even in a relationship. You know, what do you say to that woman who, who's dealing with this day in and day out and who's feeling like life is just over because of this, this behavior that she's experiencing day in and day out?
[00:22:25] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, for one, it's not over. I recommend for you to find a support group. Find like minded people who can support you through the process.
Find a therapist that is able to understand narcissistic abuse because unfortunately it's, it, it's hard to find somebody that is a therapist that can actually speak to it. So it's very important to interview your therapist to make sure they understand narcissistic abuse.
[00:22:54] Speaker A: So with your power framework, what powerful practice helps shift someone from I'm hurt to I am healing?
[00:23:04] Speaker B: Yeah, I would say one powerful practice is reframing your story out loud. So instead of saying I was hurt, start saying I'm healing and I'm powerful.
And you don't have to do that alone. You got this. So the Power in the Power Collective, it's my new private forum and where women can come together to share, learn and grow. So I'm actually opening that up for women who are ready to walk this path with me.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: That's big.
[00:23:32] Speaker B: Reframe our thinking together.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: And in that group you said, what is it? A safe, safe haven, space to reform. You say those thoughts and mindset and beliefs that they've been programmed to believe.
Is that the, the gist of the, the group?
[00:23:47] Speaker B: Okay, Collective. So it's, it's a private community.
[00:23:50] Speaker A: Private community. And where's this community?
[00:23:53] Speaker B: It's on my website.
[00:23:56] Speaker A: Okay. So they can find it on your website, this community.
Awesome. That's good stuff. And these, these self limiting beliefs or negative beliefs. It's funny because every day I get up and I, I told my daughter she'll be going through something and, and she's learning, right. These negative beliefs that we tell ourselves or either for her, a classmate or a friend may say to her, and I just tell her, swap that belief. Swap it and replace it with something negative. Right. And sometimes I see her doing it like walking home from school. She, you know, she'll say something and then she'll swap the belief, right. She'll swat it and replace it with something positive. So that's key. From, from you know, women to adults to kids, it's important that we, we, you know, create these, or cultivate these tools that, that we're giving, given just to become better people in general. Right.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:54] Speaker A: That's amazing.
You agree? Mindset shift. I agree.
So how can listeners safely test that idea?
The idea that they're more than their past? And you talk about their, Their. Their past. Don't define them. Right. Through small achievements or affirmations.
[00:25:15] Speaker B: Yeah. I always tell women to start small, so do something just for you that proves you're not stuck in your past. So that might be trying a new class. Say no to something small without explaining yourself or keeping a promise to yourself for the week.
And hey, sometimes that next brave step is something as bold as speaking on tv. Just like this.
[00:25:37] Speaker A: Yes. Oh, my goodness. Jessica, you.
Yes, I agree.
So for me, that was my fear of public speaking. I think we had a conversation about this menu, about the whole public speaking thing, and I struggled for years, and I allowed my silence to stagnate me. Right. To keep me silenced and to shrink into play small.
Right? But like you said, baby steps. We have to get out of our comfort zone, right?
To become the best version of ourselves. And that's. That's the ultimate, ultimate goal in life, is to become the best version of ourselves so we can give back and to pour into others. Right.
And continue to do the work that we were called to do. Whatever that looks like for you or me or the audience, we. We have to step into our purpose and do that. Right.
Because the world needs us. Right. And it could be something small. It doesn't have to be anything grand. Like you said, just taking that baby step, that first step. Right?
So how can reclaiming identity become an act of radical self love instead of fear?
[00:26:48] Speaker B: I would say reclaiming your identity is radical self love because you're declaring I no longer. I no longer shrink to be accepted. And you just mentioned that earlier.
I think that's power. That's self love in itself.
And also remember, you're not too much.
You've just been around people who ask you to be less so. Remember, don't string for anyone, including yourself, because you're saying I deserve to take up space exactly as I am, and that's powerful, in my opinion.
[00:27:17] Speaker A: I deserve to take up space exactly how I am. Right? Meaning you, you are. You be your true, authentic self and take up space because you matter. Your voice matter. Right.
And that's. That's big. And like I said, I struggled with that for years. Right.
And I think you can attest to that too. Jessica, you said you had some struggles with speaking up and using your voice. Hence probably the path you took to probably get to where you at now to use Your voice to help other women who had that fear of using their voice.
[00:27:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:54] Speaker A: And.
[00:27:54] Speaker B: And then, you know, not to stray for anyone because honestly, feel that way, they make you feel small. You can have family members, friends, work people, but don't let that impact them because at the end of the day, don't personalize it. It doesn't have anything to do with you. It's them.
[00:28:11] Speaker A: So.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: So you go about your business, you be you. You be fabulous. That's what I say.
[00:28:15] Speaker A: Right? Yes. The whole let them theory. Let them to let you keep your peace and for you to grow into the best version of yourself. So let them.
Right. I agree. I love it.
What affirmation anchors that new story? I am not my past or I am becoming. And I think you kind of touched on this previously as well.
[00:28:35] Speaker B: Yeah. So I often have women say my past shaped me, but now I get to shape what's next. You get to write your story now. So remember, your past doesn't define you. It shaped you. And now you get to shape what's next.
So this is what we affirm, reflect on, and embody across my podcast, coaching and community.
[00:28:55] Speaker A: Right. And it's all a choice, right? We can choose life or we can choose the other. Right? So we choose life. We choose to speak it over our lives.
Right. And like I said, I'm big on affirmations. And with affirmations, we don't just say them, Jessica. Right. We don't just say we have to embody them. You have to embody them. We have to cultivate them, we have to fill them. That's key. Right. Once we affirm, we say it. Right? We affirm, we believe it, we feel it, and then we watch it unfold. Right. Because we are aligning with that affirmation that we're affirming in our life.
Right?
[00:29:32] Speaker B: Yeah. And that's why meditation is important. I mean, doing a meta practice like saying, may I be happy, may I be safe, may I be healthy. And just seeing those daily, which I do, is so empowering, honestly.
[00:29:45] Speaker A: Yes. Those I am statements. Right? All of the above. They're good. So what is one flawless, flawless nugget? You can leave our audience for today. So one, one piece of wisdom that you can share with our audience so they can have in their back pocket whenever they're face at work with someone who's a narcissist, or at home or just in a grocery store, one flawless nugget they can take away.
[00:30:12] Speaker B: I would say I'm not hurting, I'm not hurting anyone. By honoring myself.
[00:30:19] Speaker A: Like, say it again.
[00:30:20] Speaker B: You are. You know, because oftentimes you're shamed for setting a boundary by a friend, a loved one, society, sadly. But my recommendation is not to feel bad, to set it and you'll feel the difference. It's quite liberating. And. And because you're teaching people how to love and respect you.
[00:30:39] Speaker A: Good stuff. And that flawless nugget is I'm not hurting myself by honoring myself.
[00:30:44] Speaker B: I'm not hurting anyone but anyone by honoring myself.
[00:30:48] Speaker A: I'm not hurting anyone by honoring myself.
I'm not hurting anyone by honoring myself. Right, because you're putting self first, back to what we were talking about before pouring into everyone else, but not pouring into yourself. So we have to do that self care, that self love. So we'll be give for ourselves and also give for others. Right. We can't keep pouring and not pouring to ourselves. So that's. I love it. I love it. I love it. So a flawless fact.
One fact about Jessica. It could be funny. It could be what? Whatever.
Just something we. The audience, you want to share with the audience about Jessica.
[00:31:34] Speaker B: Well, I love Formula one.
I'm a big fan, and Lewis Hamilton is my favorite driver, so I do have a bit or a need for speed myself.
[00:31:47] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. That is so. Okay, okay. We need to connect here because I'm such an adrenaline junkie. I have a motorcycle. I love amusement parks. I love all the things fast, too. I mean. Yeah, yeah. That's why we connected, right?
[00:32:03] Speaker B: Yeah. I've actually driven on the racetrack.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: Oh, wow.
That's amazing.
That's amazing. I love it. I love it. I love it. So you want to hear more about Jessica? Stay tuned for the final segment to hear more about Jessica Hopkins.
We'll be right back to remind you that healing is possible, confidence is yours, and that you are flawless.
This is Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones, and you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Are you ready? Let's go.
Welcome back to Flawless Conversations.
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Download the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and enjoy instant access to our full lineup of bilingual programming in both English and espanol.
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Ready whenever you are.
Now we're back with our final segment with Jessica Hopkins. Her mission with Urna is to help women rebuild the most important relationship they will ever have, the one with themselves, so they can trust, love, and protect their peace without any fears.
Many in our audience have experienced betrayal that shatters trust not just in others, but themselves.
Jessica, after narcissistic betrayal, how do you help someone start trusting themselves again, not others at first?
[00:34:32] Speaker B: Yeah. I would say to listen to your body.
When you're in a narcissistic relationship, that gut feeling you were told to ignore, it's still there.
Your body would tell you something is off. Something doesn't feel right. You might feel the pain in your stomach, you might feel tightness in your chest. That is your body telling you something isn't right.
So the first trust to rebuild is within yourself. Reconnect with that inner voice before you even think about trusting others.
[00:35:00] Speaker A: So what was the turning point for you when you finally said enough is enough. Right. This is. This is not normal. I'm not in a normal relationship, and something's got to give. What was that, that. That turning point, that enough is enough turning point for you?
[00:35:20] Speaker B: I would say when I gave way too many chances.
Right. So after a while, it was just impacting my sense of self worth, my integrity, and what I believe in. And it just.
[00:35:35] Speaker A: We.
[00:35:35] Speaker B: We're just misaligned, obviously. And he wasn't going to change, regardless of whatever therapy or any work we tried to do together.
So I just stepped aside. I went ahead and filed for divorce and moved out.
And that day, when I walked out of my home, my house, it was so empowering, just walking into my car, knowing I'm starting my life over again. But this time, it's going to be right. It's going to be great.
[00:36:08] Speaker A: So it was empowering, but also scary. Right. As far as your next steps.
Yeah. And did you have a community at that time to support you at that. That very moment or that time frame that you were. You were stepping out on faith or what you felt was the best move for you at that time?
[00:36:28] Speaker B: No, not necessarily. I had my meditation teacher and my therapist, and I started developing my own community. But people really didn't know what was going on. But within the circle that him and I created, including my own family, nobody really understood what I was experiencing. How can you explain that? You're being emotionally abused by the person that is supposed to love you.
He's extremely charismatic. So nobody would ever believe what I was experiencing privately. So no, I didn't have anybody within my inner circle to provide me that support. So that's why I came up with, with Erna. You're not alone.
Because I don't want any woman feeling alone in. In that particular situation. So that's why I develop this community, the platform on LinkedIn and on Instagram. So then we have places that's a safe space for us to talk.
[00:37:22] Speaker A: I like that. So can you talk a little more about the earna for those who. Who are just tuning in now?
[00:37:29] Speaker B: Yeah. So IRA stands for you're not alone, reclaim your power. I developed my own website and then I also have empowerment resources built in there for the power.
I also have the podcast that's called claim your power.
And I believe there's.
So I finished recording that sometimes check it out because it about what is narcissistic abuse? What is the. The narcissistic cycle, Identifying red flags, setting boundaries. The power of no contact, cultivating joy.
So there's just a bunch of information there and the podcast, actually the empowerment resources are aligned to the podcast.
I also have a blog, so feel free to check that out as well. I think I have about 17 or so posted and they all relate to narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect.
[00:38:32] Speaker A: Okay, good stuff.
So you have a lot of empowering information and tools that women, both women and men, women in particular, can use to help get out of narcissistic relationship. Right. Or how to deal with someone who has these. These behaviors. Right.
[00:38:55] Speaker B: And like I said, I provide one on one coaching. I do have a subscription program. So for those women that are interested in joining the power collection, there is a.
So just reach out to me. I do offer a free reframe call.
[00:39:10] Speaker A: Awesome. And. And I mentioned you said you had a therapist at the time. And I. I tell people all the time. Right. Having that therapist and a life coach activate your superpowers, right? Because you have both.
Right. That's working together on your behalf. Right. And I think of. Because I have a therapist and a life coach. So I think of the therapist as one who has trauma, childhood trauma, all the things, right? So you have that life coach that helps you with that.
You have. I'm sorry, you have the therapist that helps you unpack the trauma, but you have your life coach, right. That helps you drag that bag right outside to this. To the sidewalk for the garbage man to come and take out. Right? The life coach help you put the lid on it, shut it and walk with you on your purpose. So I Have both, which is super, super dope for me.
And I love it. And I'll tell anybody, everybody, life coach and a therapist.
But both works hand in hand. Right. To get you where you need to be in life.
[00:40:20] Speaker B: Of course. And it's, it's, it's liberating to find somebody who you can connect with that has stories as you. And you know, we're, we're their soundboard, so we're not really there to fix their problem. I mean, that's ultimately up to them. And so. But we're going to provide them the resources, the tools that they need to get to where they need to be.
[00:40:40] Speaker A: Absolutely, absolutely. I, I love it. I love it.
So what, Jessica, what small steps like making a small decision or promise help build or rebuild self faith.
[00:40:55] Speaker B: Yeah. I would say start with one small promise that you know you can keep, like drinking a glass of water. And I only say that because that's something that I need to promise myself when you wake up or taking a 5 minute walk after lunch or meditating for 10 minutes.
So keep it simple because every time you follow through, you're telling yourself, I can count on me.
[00:41:18] Speaker A: Yes, that is key. And why is tracking small wins a great tool for trusting yourself? I know a lot of times we talk about journaling, which is one of the things that helped me when I went through my self love journey was journaling and the affirmations. So why is tracking the small wins or journaling a two for trusting yourself?
[00:41:43] Speaker B: I would say your brain needs proof. Right. So when you track small wins, writing them down or saying them out loud, you're building evidence that you keep your word to yourself.
That's how trust grows.
So based on my experience, journal journaling my small wins helped me rebuild trust in myself because I was giving my, my brain that proof that I can keep my word. And so here I actually have my journals here. So I have my gratitude journal that I write at least three things I'm grateful for a day. And then I have this other journal here where it's just a list of all of my affirmations that I write every single day. So it's just, every day I just write the same affirmations over and over again.
[00:42:34] Speaker A: And that's power that works for you? Yes. Yeah, that's, that's power. Power. Powerful when we do that. Right. Because the more we write it, the more we can visualize it. Right. See it and feel it and believe it. And that's where like you said, manifestation and, and meditation helps you to becoming her Becoming him, becoming the best version of yourself. So not only thinking it, but writing it and into to making it become life, bringing it to life.
So yeah, writing is huge. Journaling is key also, like you said before, meditation, taking the time for that two minute pause that you talked about earlier.
Right. Putting your hand over your heart and affirming who you are and the power that lives inside of you.
[00:43:27] Speaker B: Yeah. And that self compassion practice too is key because at the end of the day you're learning how to love yourself. So having compassion for yourself will help you have compassion for others as well.
[00:43:38] Speaker A: Absolutely. I agree with that.
Absolutely. What mindset shift can remind them that trusting doesn't mean forgetting, but honoring their progress.
[00:43:52] Speaker B: Yes. So trusting again isn't about erasing the past. It's about rewriting your present.
So what happened to me shaped me, but it doesn't define me. My past made me who I am today. Literally. Not kidding. So I built a platform to give women a safe space filled with education, resources and healing tips. So earlier this year I started my business and I was barely on social media, but I realized it's not about me anymore.
So I did things that were just uncomfortable.
Eventually, hopefully I'll get comfortable with it. But I want women to feel empowered, to know that they never have to shrink for anyone and to rewire their minds to understand they were never crazy. Because when you are in these narcissistic dynamics, that's how you feel.
And so just learning how to rewire your brain.
[00:44:42] Speaker A: That'S been, that's does. Yeah, I agree, I agree. A lot of times in these, these narcissistic relationships, when people with these, these behaviors that does come off as making the other person feel like they're less than or they're crazy or they're overreacting or super drama dramatic. Right? All these things, you know, and if once again we talked about the power of words and writing. Right. Or hearing. So if someone constantly saying this to you, guess what happens?
You're going to automatically believe it. Right.
Like Jessica says that self love is key.
[00:45:23] Speaker B: That's right. And, and I recommend when you are in these toxic dynamics to document as much as possible. Because you know, I mentioned the power of no contact.
They, they try to bring you back in, which is hoovering. And so when you go back to everything you documented, it's a recollection like oh yeah, I remember he said this last time, not going to let him love bomb me again.
He's not going to pull me right back into this toxic dynamic. So I recommend just Writing it all down, documenting as much as possible so you don't get stuck in that. That toxic situation again.
[00:45:57] Speaker A: Yes, I agree. Good stuff, Jessica. So, Jessica, it's been an honor having you on flawless conversations.
But before we wrap up, where can people find you online to connect and learn more about what you do and who you are?
[00:46:13] Speaker B: Yeah, so the best way to connect with me is through LinkedIn because that's where all my resources are housed. I also have Instagram, where I have my quotes and other resources as well, where I share practical tools, affirmations and encouragement for women reclaiming their power.
You'll also get updates on my workshops and resources.
I do workshops in the area. And then also stay tuned. Like I mentioned about my newest podcast.
It is coming soon and where we'll be talking about the things we were told to stay quiet about and why speaking them out loud changes everything.
[00:46:49] Speaker A: And where's this podcast? Where can we find on YouTube or where we'll be able to find.
[00:46:54] Speaker B: It's coming soon.
[00:46:55] Speaker A: Coming soon, coming soon. Okay, so more to come. Stay tuned.
But Jessica, you can find it on LinkedIn.
Website is on LinkedIn. All the things is on LinkedIn to find you.
[00:47:09] Speaker B: Yes, everything is on my website. If you try to contact me via LinkedIn, you can find that link there. Same thing with Instagram.
If you want to join my membership, that's there as well.
And if you want to take the narcissistic quiz, that's also there on my homepage. So, yeah, there's just a plethora of information on my website.
[00:47:29] Speaker A: Awesome. Good stuff. Do you have any. Anything else you would like to share with the audience?
[00:47:35] Speaker B: Well, I just want to say thank you so much for having me on the show. It's truly an honor to. To be in this space and to have this conversation with you. So I'm super grateful for the chance to pour into your audience. And I hope today's words remind every woman listening that she has the right to protect her peace, reclaim her power. Power. And take up space exactly as she is.
[00:47:55] Speaker A: Yes, take up spaces. Take up space. So today's conversation has been about reclaiming your power.
Not in big overwhelming leaps, but in steady but loving steps.
Whether it's setting a boundary, choosing self care, or rewriting your story, or even learning to trust again, you have the tools within you to rise. I want to thank Jessica for her courage and expertise and thank you, all of the viewers for joining us today.
I hope you take what you've learned today and apply it to your own journey of healing and self love. Until next time, I'm Tameka Jones, and this has been flawless conversations where we believe every woman's story deserves to be heard, honored and celebrated.
Until next time. Bye. Bye.
