[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to Flawless Conversations. I'm Tameka Jones and today we're diving into how mindset can shift your life, your confidence, your purpose.
You're watching now Media Television.
Welcome to Flawless Conversations, the show where we explore the inner work, emotional intelligence and leadership mindset that shapes powerful lives and meaningful success.
I'm your host, Tameka Jones and today's guest is someone who brings a rare blend of human insight and business strategy, Dr. Deepak Butra.
He's a leadership coach, a system thinker, and the author of six books, including his newest release, Rise up your career reclaimed by Dr. Butra.
He has dedicated his whole life to helping individuals and also helping professionals rebuild clarity, purpose and identity in a fast paced world that often pulls people away from who they truly are.
Deepak, welcome to Flawless Conversations.
[00:01:16] Speaker B: Thank you for having me, Tamika. Lady. Looking forward to this conversation.
Yes.
[00:01:21] Speaker A: Flawless Family.
Let's talk about the beliefs we can't see. The ones running the show in our minds, right? The ones that are running the show behind the scenes.
So many leaders work hard, show up strong and still feel stuck.
It's not the effort, it's the unseen beliefs that shaping their confidence, daily decisions and direction. Today on Flawless Conversation, we're unpacking the quiet stories we've inherited. The ones that create invisible ceilings and how to rewrite them so we can rise higher, lead stronger, and walk fully in our purpose.
Dr. Boothra, what hidden belief do you see often that many leaders carry with them?
[00:02:12] Speaker B: This is a really powerful question. You know, to me, the way that I would look at it is as follows.
I'm an individual that is from a certain background, right? So, born and raised in India, I've lived in South Africa. I carry a South African passport.
Right there. Just by saying that, you would expect me to say something different or most likely have a belief system that's very different from yours, right? We also most likely are from two different religions. Now, I haven't even gotten into work yet and I've already made you a bit nervous. That, wow, that's interesting. His worldview. My worldview might be very different, but here's something that I just want to call out here. Isn't that make me more interesting to you now because suddenly you realize that there's someone who might change my worldview. The opposite situation arises when I go into a stereotypical discussion about something. And those beliefs typically come from the way you're raised as a child, right. We are told very young, you don't want to discuss money with people, right. You know, certain Things you don't talk about, you don't ask a woman her age, stuff like that. Now, I come from a B2B sales background, Tamika. And one of the challenges we face is that salespeople typically walk into a sales situation and they've got a lot of stuff going on in their head. And we call it head trash. And head trash is. I think what you're trying to get from me is to what are those beliefs? Leaders come to the party with a lot of head trash. Number one is, I'm the leader, therefore I should never show pain.
That is so wrong. Right.
People come to the party and assume that it's my job. The buck stops with me, and yes, the buck stops with you. We get it. There's a difference between accountability versus responsibility. Right? Do you understand that? At the end of the day, accountability is one, but responsibility is to a broader group of people that you need to figure out and how to handle it. So I could list and list and list you and we could spend more time on this, but that's how I would just break it off. There's always beliefs that come from a childhood. They come from the way you're raised. And I'm not even getting into any racial bias that people bring to conversation or stereotypical stuff. Right? You think of money and you think of a smart Indian or you think of a Jewish person. Those are not the conversations we're having. I'm just simply talking about the simple stuff that people are raised and bring to the party that can become highly limiting issues or just fuel what I call hustle culture. Right? Because we told ambition, yeah, a Diet Coke is enough. Have six Diet Cokes, skip a meal, you'll be okay. Deepak, that's weird. Some of those beliefs are so prevalent, it's shocking.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: Yes, and I agree. Something you said earlier about how the old stereotype or the old way of thinking is men aren't supposed to cry or to feel or leaders. Right? So that's another stereotype that many leaders carry with them. Right?
Don't show your weakness. Right. Don't show your vulnerability.
All those things.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Really interesting you say that because very early in my career, vulnerability.
I lost my job at age 27 and my wife was pregnant with our first child.
And to be honest with you, I cursed the situation less than I cursed myself more because I felt that I had done something wrong. And it's only when someone walked into a room to find me crying in the corner that he asked me, what is wrong with you? Why would you shed Tears for a company that just disrespected you and for the effort you do, what are you going to do about it? And that was the first revelation I had that, you know what, be the passenger on the plane that puts the oxygen mask on first, not only for their own survival, but to make sure they can help others. And that's when I changed my mindset. So since then, I've been very focused on looking at things differently. How do I make a difference? How do I make a difference and an impact on other people's lives? And that's what my game plan is.
[00:05:39] Speaker A: Oh, and I'm so glad you mentioned that. A lot of times we do that, right? We put the oxygen mask on everyone else, we pour into, literally pour into everyone else. And then we find ourselves, you know, burnt out and depleted at the end of the day, right?
[00:05:53] Speaker B: Yes, ma', am.
Absolutely.
[00:05:55] Speaker A: That's a good one. That's a good one. So how can someone start identifying which beliefs are theirs and which ones are the made up narratives that they either told themselves or society or their environment or their co worker, family member told them?
[00:06:12] Speaker B: It's really hilarious. But I always ask people, so the belief is that I must always be switched on or I will look weak. Where did that come from? It came from stereotypes in movies. It came from us watching too many movies or listening to too many stories. As an example, we talk about a salesperson and I have this favorite joke about sales people.
I ask people tell me about a story of you dealing with a salesperson. And I kid you not, ma', am, 70% of the time it's a story either on a furniture salesperson or. Or a used car dealer trying to sell them a car. That's it. Those are the two stories again and again and again. So what you have is this perpetuation of the salesperson's Persona, right? And now people think that therefore I need to be constantly closing, I need to be constantly selling. And therefore these are all beliefs that are grounded in myths. You really need to step back and actually ask yourself, what exactly is it that you are supposed to be doing when you're selling? The answer? Pretty simple. You're not supposed to be making money or your quota. You're supposed to be solving people's problems. And when you have that mind shift, then you suddenly realize that all these beliefs, all the acts that you were doing, were actually not in aid of selling at all. They were actually stopping you from selling because they come from very bad places and they've been kind of bounced around until everyone thinks that this is just the way things go. Right.
And Domingo, this is such a big issue for me that it's really surprising people do self harm as well in that process. I had a person once telling me that, Deepak Lok, honestly speaking, I don't want to discuss this topic because I don't want to reveal what I'm going through right now. And my response was, I don't need you to tell me in clinical terms what you're feeling, but I want you to first acknowledge that there is something going on in your mind. Right. And that is when I ultimately realized that this individual needed mental health and support, which is beyond my capability. But I was able to detect and people's that belief system that he had was admitting to mental health makes me look weaker for some rational, irrational reason. Right. And that was an eye opener for me. And in my own journey I have myself sought external support and guidance and it has changed my perspective on how we need to care about mental health.
[00:08:18] Speaker A: Yes, yes. And mental health is big. It's big. Life is life for everybody now. So yeah, definitely have to tap into that and make sure people are good on that aspect, mental health aspect.
But yeah, I totally agree with you. When we think of sales, we think of those two different car salesmen or someone that sold me something that was bad. Right. And a lot of people. Yes, right. And coaching the same thing. Well, I had that awful culture that Coach is trying to sell me. Just another program versus like you were saying, it's not about that. It should be about the impact and what problem can you solve? I love it when you said that.
[00:09:02] Speaker B: Right, absolutely.
[00:09:05] Speaker A: What problem can we solve? How can embracing a new belief shift both mindset and your results?
[00:09:13] Speaker B: Sorry, I missed the question. Would you repeat that to me if you don't mind?
[00:09:16] Speaker A: How can embracing a new belief shift both mindset and their results?
[00:09:23] Speaker B: I think you have to change your benchmarks at times. Right. Tomega, I'll give you an example in sales, which really blows my mind.
Hey Deepak, I see you're at 70% of your quota. What's the game plan to close that gap?
Now that's an interesting question because that question is based on output or metrics that are post facto. The question should actually be, hey Deepak, I was looking at your pipeline and I see have six deals. Those six deals, if you bring them in, are, are going to easily close the gap you have in your forecast. How can I help you reel those in? Did you just see that shift that occurred over there? And it's leadership that can help do that. So basically what we're simply saying is that we are now shifting the conversation from being focused on output to focusing on inputs. What needs to be done? If you do what needs to be done, then to me, I guarantee you the output will happen. Unfortunately, in sales, we tend to start in reverse engineering.
You go to sell because you need that number to make your quota. But the reality is you go to sell because you have a problem to solve for a customer. Now, if you're not thinking like that, you're not selling. You're just doing something. But it's not selling for sure.
[00:10:29] Speaker A: Oh, I love it. I love it. And it goes right back to what you just said earlier, is focusing on that problem being a change maker, right? Versus being someone who wants to sell, sell, sell, sell. Looking at it different, you're coming from a different energy in a different space and place.
[00:10:46] Speaker B: It is.
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Right. I love it. I love it. So coming up next, we're taking a deeper look at how organizations and leaders move from the good enough to truly extraordinary cultures. Flawless Family.
You do not want to miss this powerful, transformational, transformative, packed conversations. We'll be right back with more flawless conversations.
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Welcome back to Flawless Conversations. Flawless Family. Here's the truth.
Most teams don't crumble from big crises.
They drift when the expectations soften, the energy drops, and the convenience replaces excellence.
Elevating culture doesn't require a major overhaul. It starts with one intention at a time. It starts with presence and small daily actions that build real commitment, not just checking a box. So in this segment, we are diving into how teams can reignite momentum and raise the standard from the inside out.
Dr. Butra, how do you identify when culture is just okay rather than thriving.
[00:13:13] Speaker B: In sales? I kid you not. I Walk into a room and I look for a hum or a buzz. You use the word energy just a few seconds back, Jimmy. Right. And I can tell you when you sense that everyone is there just for the meeting, everyone is there just to get through the next 25 minutes to get to some conclusion because someone called this meeting. You have people wandering around as they would love to be somewhere else. Those for me are just clear symptoms that people are just going through the motions. And then what's really happening is that they're just missing those so called emotions that I'm always looking for. Right. Then I typically start looking at the type of conversations happening in that room. Right? People start talking as follows. Hey guys, we have six more deals in the pipeline. Six of them are, five of them are in sales stage. Two of them are at this sales stage. Peter, what's your probability of closing these deals in this quarter? That's a great conversation, right? But if you think about it, it's a conversation that only talks about what's happening in the moment. It actually doesn't talk about what's going to happen afterwards. And a great sales conversation typically looks like this. I see that we have the six deals that are going down. What are the next steps that we are doing and where are we in terms of the customer feeling that we're able to satisfy their needs with our product? Guys, what's your level of confidence? Let's talk about that. Just that subtle change from one is checking on whether you're going to win the deal and what's the probability to actually saying where does the customer feel we are with them? Changes the conversation from looking at it internally to your own CRM system and sales stages to looking at it from a customer's point of view. And that shift is what tells me that this team has got the right energy because they focus on the right things. They focused on the intent is outwards. What does the customer get out of this? Rather than what would my paycheck look like when I get this commission? That comes back to me and how will we close the gap that we have in our forecast? Those are internal metrics. So if Your conversation is 90% on internal metrics and only 10% on external forward looking, what I call leading indicators, you are in trouble, my friend. And that's how I detect energy levels and belief systems all crumbling and all falling apart.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: Oh man, that was a nugget all by itself.
Because yeah, we, in this new age and time, I feel like sometimes we forget about customer service, we forget about the Small things about even in medical, because I'm a nurse as well.
And sometimes I know there's burnout, we get burned out. And I know a lot of times leadership tends to overlook some of the things that are going on within the organization. Right. But just the customer service, right. And it's just thinking about that person as if they were your loved one. And that's how I go into when I do take care of my patients or my clients, I think like, that's my daughter, that's my mother. How would I want them to be treated?
[00:16:04] Speaker B: It's so powerful what you just said. And just a minute, digression, I think you'll appreciate this because you just mentioned you're a nurse.
When people ask me, deepak, what's the best way to understand a customer's pain and understand why they need my solution? You know what I tell them? I said, think about one of the best trips you ever had to a doctor. You have a pain in the wrist and you walk up and the doctor doesn't judge you. He says, oh, sit down. How can I help you today? I have this pain dog. How long have you had it for?
You tell him, does it hurt more when you do this? Does it hurt less when you do this? Ah, okay.
Then the next thing is, what have you done about it till now?
Take each one of those pain related questions and start saying to yourself, oh, wait a minute, hey, Mr. Customer, I'm here to talk to you about this. But before I do that, could you give me an understanding of how I can help you and what pain are you struggling with? What's the issues you're facing? Then you ask him, have you tried to fix it before?
What have you done till now and why has it not worked? Can we talk about that a bit? Do you just see what just happened there?
It's the same discovery, but what you've now done is that you've now changed it into an empathetic, sympathetic way of getting information out so that you can diagnose how you can help this person. Right? The goal is not to write a prescription for another shot of, you know, Advil, Advil or whatever, right? Or an antihistamine. It's to first figure out, what has he done before? How can I be different in my approach or response to him? So you just mentioned the nursing element. I just want to remind people some of the best salespeople out there act, behave, prognosis, diagnosis like a doctor prescription comes far later. Prior to that, you build rapport, build understanding. We Bond right with customers. This is what doctors, best doctors actually do that very well. They bring you to a place where you suddenly realize that you know what this doctor is not after just his fees, but he's going to make me feel much better. And that's what you're now looking forward to. How am I going to feel after this intervention, which is equivalent to what I tell customers in six months time, after you've taken my product or service, what would you feel like? Let me show you that vision. And now let's come back to today and figure out how can I get you to sign this contract?
[00:18:04] Speaker A: Yes. I love it. I love it. And you hit the nail on the head when you said empathy. Empathy, connection and being genuine.
I think that's everything. That's everything in sales. That's everything.
[00:18:16] Speaker B: In a world where we are dying with AI where everyone's becoming impersonal, this is going to be very important. You and I are going to. In four years, I bet you over a tall beer or a cold drink somewhere, you're going to tell me, I wish I could talk to someone when I call a call center. I wish there were more humans involved. And that's what I'm worried about. That in our rush, we may lose touch of humanity. And I see this happening in sales. But I also tell sales people at the same time, B2B doesn't stand for business to business. It stands for belly to belly. And if you remember that and you keep AI as a tool and not the end, but the means to the end, you will do well, my friend. Because at the end of the day, Tamika, whether you like it or not, people buy from people. No one's going to buy from a system. You're going to buy a movie ticket from a system, but you're not going to buy the script from a system. You want someone to tell you what's in that script. Why should I watch this movie? Why should I spend two hours of my life? That's very different, right? So the buying act of the ticket is in automation. But the thought process of why you want to watch and spend two years of your life watching that movie is something else. Word of mouth a friend told you. And you trust that friend's judgment. And that judgment call is where I think the best salespeople are going to emerge now. They're going to use AI as not a crutch, but as something that's going to give them that force, multiplier, digression. But I just couldn't resist as we were Just talking about these topics.
[00:19:32] Speaker A: Oh, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. Good stuff. What leadership habits help shift culture upward without huge revolutions?
[00:19:45] Speaker B: To me, we just discussed one look at AI as an example, right?
[00:19:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:49] Speaker B: You now have a sales leader or most leaders today going absolutely ballistic over AI. If you don't do AI, we're going to struggle. The question I typically ask is, you have a process. Today the process sucks, doesn't work, and now you're telling me you're going to put AI on it. So for me, the definition of good enough to extraordinary is one. First understanding the problem you're solving for the. Those are the cultures, Tamika, that become extraordinary. Right? Because they're looking at something not as a knee jerk reaction or a fear of missing out or the next shiny object. They're actually asking profound questions. I would like to solve this, but I don't want to solve it the right way. I know the way to solve it, but I'm not convinced that I've understood the problem. First great cultures focus on that. First great cultures also make sure that you balance output. What do you want to get out of this process? A sale. I get it. But the input is what behaviors will you exhibit as you go about doing it? Are you and I going to appreciate that someone's lying to a customer to get the deal, or would you appreciate rather losing a deal and still getting the customer's trust with us?
This is a value discussion, right? At the end of the day, values define us as individuals. And in sales or in leadership, the way you become extraordinary is your value system. And I'd love to talk about this a bit more, but I just want to hand it back to you, ma', am, because we've had AI and other things happening in this conversation.
[00:21:09] Speaker A: So where can those who want to learn more about your culture, your leadership frameworks, where can they follow you or get more information or your latest book?
[00:21:20] Speaker B: It's very easy. I'm going to lean over, I'm going to pick up my 517 pages, I'm going to show it to you so that you suddenly realize that I don't even have a bookshelf that can hold this.
So, ladies and gentlemen, this is Rise up your career Reclaim. This is the book that came out on 6 November. In fact, you can still see I haven't even got my grubby paws on the real copy yet. This is the proof that I'm running around with. Tamika. Tamika. This is the book that I put all my understanding in the last 15 years trying to understand what's going on with human beings. Covid was an eye opener for me. This book is an attempt to put together 30 chapters of distillation of things that one should remember while doing the hustle thing and also navigating this corporate maze and world we live in. You have chapters like managing upwards, chapters on performance reviews, how to prepare yourself for those, how do you bring the best out in your colleagues? How do you make sure that your mental health is taken care of? That balance, to me, is problematic in the world out there.
And it's available on Amazon. I have to throw that in, right?
[00:22:19] Speaker A: Yes, Amazon. So they can get it off Amazon.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: Amazon, Absolutely, Mom. Amazon. And I live on LinkedIn. So, Tamika, anyone who hollers Deepak, you'll find me. Ladies and gentlemen, I am on LinkedIn. I love responding to people. I have conversations with people all the time. Tamika. On the book on how I can help them on things I'm observing.
[00:22:38] Speaker A: Okay, so LinkedIn is your jam. Okay? Got it. Y' all hear that? LinkedIn. Find Dr. Butra on LinkedIn and his book can be purchased on Amazon.
[00:22:47] Speaker B: Amazon.
[00:22:49] Speaker A: Up next, we're diving into identity, purpose, and the gap many people feel between the life they live and the impact they dream of living.
Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.
We'll be right back. To remind you that healing is possible, confidence is yours, and that you are flawless. This is Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones, and you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Are you ready? Let's go.
Welcome back to Flawless Conversations. I'm here with Dr. Boutra as we move into one of the most powerful themes of his work, the gap between identity and impact.
So, so many professionals achieve success externally, but yet feel disconnected internally.
Deepak, you've helped leaders rewrite their stories and reclaim their mission.
And the conversation, And this conversation gets right to the heart of what fulfillment really means.
Flawless Family. Let's get real. When your identity and your work don't align, everything starts to feel so heavy. That's when burnout creeps in, motivation fades, and the spark that once view you starts to dim. True transformation doesn't happen when we chase these titles. It happens when we remember who we are. The shift begins when you move from my job defines me to my identity views what I create. In this segment, we're unpacking how clarity, self, love and purpose reconnect your why and how that alignment reignites your energy, passion, and peace.
Deepak, what does it look like when someone's identity doesn't match their impact?
[00:24:59] Speaker B: It's not easy because you know a lot of people. First, tell me, what's identity even mean? Deepak. Right. And without getting into philosophical debate, for me, identity is, why would someone have a beer with you? Just answer that question. Simple.
And if he says that because the guy is generous, because he's truthful, because he's honest, and he's a great joke teller. Right there. You're starting to get a feel for what identity is. Because he's talking about you, the person. He's not talking about the role of selling. No one says, I'm having a beer with Deepak because Deepak is a great salesperson. That's not why you have beer, right? Unless it's a customer. No. When you're having a drink with a beer.
Drink with a friend. A beer with a friend, that conversation is most likely going to be the one that actually tells you what your identity is. Identity, for me, is something very personal. And when your identity comes in, what happens is as follows. You know, in football, we talk about playing the ball versus playing the person, right? Because that's not the way to do it, right? So if someone has an idea to me as an example, right. We typically say, I didn't get that idea, but could you explain it to me one more time? That's better than saying, that's a stupid idea. That think that you're not thinking. You're not using your brain very well. You just played the person, right? And I think this is the problem with identity versus your impact, or what we call your role in sales. You are doing a thankless job. You are going to win the deal on Monday. You're going to lose two deals on Tuesday. What are you going to do about it? Because what happens at that point is that you are mentally broken. You've got to know. You need to figure out what happens. Then people or sales people typically will tell me, hey, coach, I'm really feeling bad today. I lost a deal. Everyone was counting on me. I won't make my number now. So the question I typically ask them, on a scale of 1 to 10, what are you feeling? And he says, I'm feeling like a three. Cool. Are you feeling like a three on your role, or are you feeling like a three on your identity? And people look at me quizzically like, what does that mean? What that means is that, Tamika, if you were to go to your mom and tell her mom, who's the most beautiful girl on the planet. You know what your mom's going to say, right? You already know the answer. She'll look at you and say, you. Even if you, Tamika, were the most ugliest or hideous and you're not. But the parent's job is always to look at that child from a lens that no one else can ever do that for you. Right? And I think that's the point that I'm trying to make over here. The lens you need to apply is that you'll always remain a 10 out of 10 for your identity, for who you are. Your role may be at a 3, but now your job is how do I get out from that funk and take that three back to a 10? And that's where your identity is going to shine. Because if your identity remains a 10, you're going to get the energy to solve for this problem, to get the three back to a 10 on your role. And that recovery is far faster than if you allowed your identity to become a 3 out of a 10. And that is the simple trigger that I try to explain to people.
Show yourself self compassion. Work on it. The same advice you give to others now, give it to yourself. But take it, absorb it. Watch the difference. And people tell me, wait a minute, I paid.
I don't understand. That's so simple. How is this working? And that's the problem. Simple things work. Complexity is what's made us always expecting something very technical to happen. Unless this doesn't happen, then we don't do this, and so on, so on. Sometimes it's the simple things that break this logjam for us to make it awesome.
[00:28:09] Speaker A: I love it. I love it. And also, I was just sitting here thinking too. A lot of times we get lost in this whole. These accolades and these roles and these titles. I'm a doctor, I'm a nurse, I'm a talk show host, I'm all these things, right? Best selling author, right? But who am I to the core? What is my identity? Who is my. Who is Tamika? How am I showing up every day? Who am I becoming?
[00:28:30] Speaker B: Boom, boom, right there, ma'. Am. How am I showing up every day? So, so powerful, what you just said, absolutely aligned, right?
[00:28:37] Speaker A: Yeah. We get lost in those roles and titles and start to not act as if we are the roles and titles, but we just get lost in translation with those titles.
[00:28:48] Speaker B: Yes, we do.
[00:28:50] Speaker A: So how do you guide people to claim their identity, to see themselves as more than what they really are? Who they think they are just like we just talked about the roles and titles, right, Tamika?
[00:29:01] Speaker B: You know what I'm gonna do with you? I'm gonna just tell you, Tamika, life is now ending.
You're on your deathbed, and I walk up to you and I say to you, what do you remember for the life you've just lived and cherished? I guarantee you're going to talk about children, grandchildren, the neighbor's dog. Rufus was so good, Deepak. Every day he used to come to my door. You're not going to tell me about the promotions you got. You're not going to tell me that I was the vice president of corporate affairs at IBM, blah, blah, blah.
That's what I tell people. The best way to actually look at life is to ask yourself, what will you cherish? What will you remember at those dying moments on your deathbed? What do you want people to say at your wake and obituary? Do you want them to say, love this guy? Look at his 401k, man. Amazing. He has left his family filthy rich for the next seven generations.
Leave that to Mr. Elon Musk. For the rest of us mere mortals, let's talk about legacy. What are we going to leave behind? And I think that's the best way to just tackle this issue that you're facing right now, is ground yourself in reality. And I always tell people, if you're confused about how to go about making sense of this, just ask yourself, if I do what I do, what were the three words that people will use to define me?
And if every action you do are not those words, then don't do those actions, because people will not define you that way. If you say that you want to be known as someone who takes ownership, you want to be known as someone who has tremendous integrity and honesty, you want to be known as someone that is always there for others, then make sure that these three things you're always doing. Because when you do that, in five years, your brand will lead you. And that brand is going to give you purpose. You know that shining light on the hill.
Your brand has now come alive. And now you will live up to that expectation because you're always thinking about the brand. And that's why I tell people, there's a light in you. I get that. But sometimes you want to take that light out, light it outside so you can see it. And when you see something, you work towards it. And I think that's the power of the words that I'm using right now, Tamika.
[00:30:50] Speaker A: Give me chills. I love it. And I think, you know what someone once said, I think it was Viola Davis who once said, it's not about finding your purpose or your purpose itself. It's about what you do with that purpose and the impact from that purpose. Right? And that's how I try to, you know, and it was some years ago. I found my purpose. I found. Okay, so. And what, what are you going to do with it? And what impact are you going to have with that purpose?
[00:31:14] Speaker B: Tamika? I just love it because, you know, Viola Davis, when she says that, she's actually talking about the journey, not the destination.
The destination is not the purpose. The woman is very powerful, and that's why I dig everything she does. I watch every movie of hers and I have clue why I do it, because sometimes I think she needs to choose better movies. But that's not the point, is it? She has a cult standard. The way she looked at this problem is one of those. The way I look at things as well. Right. I am talking about purpose. But what is purpose? Let's simplify it. Purpose is actually something that gives you fuel. And ultimately you realize that even if you achieve your purpose. Wait a minute. I was more satisfied in sales. We sometimes ask the sales guy, now that you won the deal, how do you feel? And you know what he says to me? It's like, yeah, it's okay. But you know what? That chase was amazing, wasn't it, Deepak? And boom, right there. You realize his purpose is to keep winning deals, not just win one deal. So now to keep that momentum going, you need to understand that purpose can be, I'm not saying amorphous, but it actually keeps morphing. If your purpose is to bring joy, then, hey, how about saying that I'm going to bring x joy today, tomorrow I'm going to bring y joy, and I'm going to change the way I bring joy. This week I'm going to host, let's say, a few orphans. Next week I'm going to feed some orphans. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is how you keep the momentum going. Purpose remains the same joy, but the dialing up, dialing down of how much joy or how much, that's the keeping. And I think that's what actually keeps a lot of people on track with their purpose. Because even if you achieve your purpose, can the grass be greener? Yeah, why not? Let's try that.
[00:32:41] Speaker A: Yes, yes, I agree. And that's huge because we're all trying to, you know, everybody's trying to become the best version of themselves. Right. And trying to figure out, you know, life and who they are, you know, behind the mask. I know in the military, I've worn part of military as well. Air Force as well. You know that mask, right, that you have to wear from, you know, whatever, you know, during the military, when you get home, you're wearing a different mask.
[00:33:12] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:33:13] Speaker A: So, yeah, I agree. In it. And it goes back to identity.
How can self love help someone to live from identity rather than from outcome? And you just explained that as well.
[00:33:25] Speaker B: Self compassion, just show more grace to yourself, people. That's what I keep asking themselves. Stop kicking yourself, stop cursing yourself. There's no point in that. Right. Move on.
[00:33:37] Speaker A: Yes. And also having a routine, like not a mantra, but something you do every day, like wake up in the morning and be intentional with what you're saying or doing. You wake up in the morning and you say, okay, I want to be this person who shows gratitude today. So start with small steps of gratitude. Right. If that's what you're seeking. So just being intentional. Correct.
[00:34:02] Speaker B: Absolutely aligned. Absolutely aligned, amiga.
[00:34:06] Speaker A: Awesome. So in our final segment, Deepak will share the same secrets to sustainable leadership and long term presence in a world obsessed with on the go speed. Go ahead and grab your favorite drink, coffee, tea, maybe even a snack. But don't go too far. When we come back, we'll dive deeper into some powerful gems. We'll be right back.
We'll be right back to remind you that healing is possible, confidence is yours, and that you are flawless. This is Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones and you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Are you ready? Let's go.
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Welcome back to the show Flawless Family. In this closing segment, I'm excited to be joined Once again by Dr. Deepak Butra for a conversation that every leader needs, sustainable leadership.
Dr. Deepak, your work is such a reminder that the visibility doesn't equal longevity.
Once again, visibility doesn't equal longevity. Real influence isn't built through constant hustle. It's built through presence, clarity, and intentional pace. And that's the truth so many high achievers need to hear.
Too many leaders burn bright and burn out fast.
Sustainable leadership isn't about shifting from constant performance to consistent presence, protecting your energy and honoring boundaries and leading from emotional steadiness so you can thrive for decades, not just moments.
In this final segment, we're unpacking habits, mindset and inner balance that make long term success not just possible, but peaceful.
Dr. Boothra, how do you define sustainable leadership in today's fast, fast, fast driven pace in this chaotic world?
[00:37:02] Speaker B: Very easy.
Do your principles shift consistently?
Do their behavior go up and down consistently?
Do people behind your back think of you as. There's a guy at 6am That's a great guy, but at 6pm He's a devil. What's up mate? What's going on? That's what I talk about. Sustainability. Sustainability. If you think about it, right when you're eating, you know, when you want to lose weight, they tell you go for six meals and make the meal smaller. This way you have your blood sugar levels that sustain.
And there's the truth in that. But there's also reality in that. What they're actually telling you is about energy management, right? And energy management. There's multiple types of energy. You got emotional, you got physical, you've got also what I call mental energy that you need to think about how to consume. My request to people is to look at sustainable techniques, which is nothing more than simply saying, why do we move up and down in our decision making? Why are some of our decisions very powerful, but some of them seem to be very tacky or cheap, not deeply thought through. That deep thinking that is required only comes from a place of self security and from a place of really thinking. Putting aside time in your diary to do thinking or deep work is a very simple trick that I recommend to people to do. Once you do these type of things, you actually realize your attitude, your outcomes, your discussions become sustainable.
They become what I call behaviors. So in sales, as an example, right Tamika, you want to sell? We have this simple saying, you need to fill your pipeline. How do you fill a pipeline? You have to call people. How do you call people? You pick up a phone right Now I realize one thing, the guys that make the most bucks, they are the guys that pick up the phone consistently. And even if there's a no, they keep staying at it. So they have sustained that energy, sustained that resilience. Sustainable leadership is exactly that. Figuring out your self awareness, figuring out how do you recover from a no, how do you move on to the next call. How do you reset, recommit in the moment every time, again and again and again. So I want people to define sustainability at their own terms and how they look at it. It's not about sustainability in terms of, what do you call it, climate change or something like that, right? Is it sustainable means that it traps, manages your energy the correct way, leaves you energized, does not leave you, you know, like the battery, the bunny that's at the end and it's just going slow. That's. You manage that and you'll be very successful.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: Deepak, I just, just hit me like a ton of risk sustainability. For me, it will be resilience, right? The three pillars of my definition of flawless, Flawless. All things. When you think of the word flawless, you think of something aesthetically beautiful. The JLo's, the Beyonce's, all these things. But my flawless is all about self love, resilience and confidence. But the word resilience and sustainability kind of go hand in hand, right? That rubber band effect, you can pull the rubber band, but as long as it bounced back, always bounce back. That's resilience. That's that sustainability, right?
[00:39:54] Speaker B: And you know, there's so much you just said there, right? The word flawless.
I've always said this to my professor in college, used to ask me, we were discussing quality, how do you define quality? And I simply said, it's in the eye of the beholder. And he said to me, that's the dumbest thing I've heard in my life, to be honest with you. Thirty years later, I still think it's the most simplest answer I could possibly give. Right? So what is flawless? A flawless delivery could be a dialogue, which is. So. How do you say this? Disgusting. But when you hear it being delivered, you're sitting there saying, I love the way he delivered it. That's flawless, right? There is imperfections, but those imperfections were part of the plan, not the plan. I don't know how to explain it to you in better ways. For me, flawless is not just flawless in character, flawless in values, but it's in terms of thinking about to be the best that you are, which means that you're very focused on your weaknesses and your areas of development. And the flawless is not a vain attempt. It's actually a genuine attempt to deliver output that actually allows the world to see you for who you are. And in that process, they actually realize that you have blemishes, you have flaws. But the effort and the way you go about doing it is what makes that Moment Flawless. Right? So it's not about.
I'll give you an example. Right? Some of the best singers that go on stage, they have charisma. They have. But there are also some very ugly looking people on stage that still make you listen to their voice. And you sit there listening and wonder, wow, how is that happening? So flawless is not just about beauty or aesthetics. You're 100% right.
The Beyonce's of the world are blessed with that. Right. But what about people like me? I am not blessed with it. I shampoo only for vanity. Right. Because there's no need to shampoo. But I do it every day anyway. So people like me, we are comfortable knowing one thing, we can have a great conversation. And I will most likely say something that can impact someone's life. To me, that's how I live my flawless moment. My flawless career character, my flawless delivery, my flawless relationship or my flawless outcomes. Right. Something that's happening that helps. Such a beautiful word. I mean, the more I think about it, you and I should have one more hour session just on the word flawless background the word flawless.
[00:41:54] Speaker A: Yes, Yes, I agree. Yes. Flawless. Becoming the best version of yourself in a nutshell.
[00:42:00] Speaker B: Yes, ma'.
[00:42:01] Speaker A: Am. Right, Yep.
So what practices protect someone's energy and presence for the long haul? What are some practices?
[00:42:10] Speaker B: This is about protection, right? How to protect.
Yes, it's very easy. Don't bounce from ideas to ideas. Select one or two ideas and just focus on them. Just stop it. Another thing that actually happens is confusion. I'll give you a classic confusion. And this right now, it's all over the place. So we have certain economic policies, we have tariffs, and everyone's going crazy dumping people with AI. Right? 30,000 people. Microsoft is dropping this and that.
I right now have eight clients and they're asking a very simple question. I am scared. Out of the eight, four have just been let go by their companies, senior people. Each of these people is making more than a quarter of a million dollars a year. Right? These are people that are now telling me, I don't know what to do, Deepak. Which is funny, isn't it? Because the company is paying quite a lot of money to know what they're doing. But now they're in a situation where they don't know what they're doing. And this is where we need to give them frameworks and those mindset, that resilience to figure out how to get out of this.
And that conversation is a very easy one. If people can start from the right basis to build themselves back up Again, so this is just one of those examples that I wanted to use, is that with the economic downturn, there are many people that find themselves in a position or a place where they are actually looking for jobs and roles. And this is what I call the moment where you really need to focus and figure out how to come forward from that.
[00:43:23] Speaker A: Yeah, that's powerful. That's very powerful. Especially when you're in a position in an organization and it's going to be downhill. Right.
[00:43:35] Speaker B: My wife once told me that I've lost my job twice in my life. And she said to me, in those two moments or those two periods that you went through that you were different.
It was as if there was another man in her bedroom. It was not her husband.
And she told me that now that we know that you are very emotional, what will you do to make sure that when this happens to you ever again, you will handle it in a different way?
And I'm grateful to her for raising that with me to make a way. What that made me do was actually to stand back and build a value system that builds me up first. Number two, build relationships beyond the obvious ones. If you have a manager, then work two managers above. If you have colleagues, work six colleagues to the side. They are the guy that will save you when the moment of pain is going to come. Because pain will come.
We are right now going through massive flux. I look at my own business, I look at what's happening outside. There is general confusion. And in this moment is where we need to stand by each other and we need to help each other. And if that's by this little talk that you and I are having, and if this can help someone just get through the next two or three weeks to get that job they're looking for, all the best to them.
[00:44:37] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.
Dr. Boutrock, can you give us a flawless nugget and also a flawless fact? Flawless nugget. Something someone can take with them, put in their back pocket, possibly give to a friend or a family member or even a co worker, even their boss, something takes away from this.
[00:44:57] Speaker B: The one advice I've given myself a lot is that during COVID I got Covid twice. Tamika. I changed my voice forever. It actually gave me brain fog for six months. I needed external help to actually figure out my purpose.
And that's one of the reasons why I left the corporate world, because I realized I need to do something different, and I want to do something different.
Your question is actually very powerful. The flawless nugget is as follows. Ma' Am self compassion and self love are not contradictions. They are actually the right thing to do. Putting food on your plate first and then putting food on someone else's plate looks and feels odd. But that's not the point. We're putting the wrong standards. It's like having that oxygen mask on an airplane, right? You're putting the mask on your face first and then you help other people. Now someone can criticize you, but by doing that act, you made sure that you can help granny next to you and you can help that little six month baby next to you, right?
We give advice to our friends on how to recover from bad times. But when bad times hit us, guess what? We walk over and pick up that bottle of booze or pick up that tub of ice cream. We never give ourselves the same advice. So my flawless nugget is very simple. Show yourself the same grace, same compassion that you show your friends when you give them advice on how to come out of a funk. Give it to yourself. Pat yourself on the back for what you're doing and keep acknowledging your little wins all the time. Pulling yourself down is easy. Lifting yourself and others in the process can be made easier if you got the right mindset. Now let's give you that flawless fact. You called it right, the flawless fact.
[00:46:24] Speaker A: Something about you, something about being very funny.
[00:46:28] Speaker B: This will make you laugh.
Number one is I was in Libya, in Benghazi in 1985, when the Americans were dropping bombs.
So I remember being outside my building at the bottom, confused as to what exactly is going on. So a lot of people tell me, why do you tell this story? I say I tell this story for two reasons. Number one is that did not make me lose faith in humanity.
I am in the US today, right? It just taught me that there are things that are beyond your control. But it also taught me that that night I got through because of my father, who showed us he was the guiding light. He was that beacon.
I know what's going on. Stay with me. Then he remembered that the passports were still upstairs. No electricity. He ran up six stories, came back with the passports in his hand. When we see that as children, you're not lost anymore, you now know he will take care of us. So I always tell people in an office, you as a leader need to understand your followers are there. Yes, but followers make leaders. And if leaders act and behave in ways that followers can look at and say, you know what? I gave my faith to the right person that is so powerful by him going and getting the passports and ensuring That I was safe, my sister was safe. And if something were to go wrong, I am here to take you out of this country, back to safety. We slept on the pavement, but we slept. That's the point I'm trying to make. So for me, that promised fact is an odd one. Makes me laugh that we were so close to actually see. So that's why when I look at events around the world and when I see people signing little bombs that are now going to be dropped on people, I swallow hard, Tamik. I swallow hard. Because that is what I call fake patriotism. You're missing the point. Even taking the life of your enemy is still taking life of someone. You got to step back and just think about it, right? We talk about a lot of things, but. And I don't want to get into politics or derailment, but that's how I would answer your question, ma'. Am. Flawless nugget and flawless fact.
[00:48:22] Speaker A: Thank you for that. Oh, that was good. That was good. That was good. I love it.
Deepak, thank you for sharing such powerful wisdom today. From uncovering limiting beliefs to evaluating culture to aligning identity with purpose and creating leadership that lasts, your message is a reminder that success is not speed, but it's alignment, intention, and presence every time. To our viewers, take today's conversation as an invitation to pause, reflect, and rise with purpose, not pressure. Your leadership journey is a marathon. It's not a sprint. And you deserve to grow in a way that sustains your heart, your impact, and your future. I'm Tameka Jones. Thank you for joining us for another transformative episode, Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Until next time, keep. Keep leading with clarity, compassion, and courage.
