Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Flawless Conversations. I'm Tameka Jones, and today we're diving into how mindset can shift your life, your confidence, your purpose.
You're watching now Media Television.
Hello, everyone, and welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to Flawless Conversations. I'm your host, Tamika Jones. This show is about breaking down the barriers, fears and doubts that hold us back and keep us from boldly stepping into our purpose.
Today I'm joined by Dr. Dante Vaughn, founder and president of Lightpoint Advisors. With over 18 years of executive leadership experience, Dr. Dante is known for helping leaders and organizations grow stronger cultures, build resilience and unlock their highest potential.
He's also a Forbes Business Council member and co author of the bestseller from culture to culture.
Dr. Dante, thank you so much for being here. Thank you.
[00:01:14] Speaker B: Thank you for having me, Tameka.
[00:01:16] Speaker A: Awesome. So let's dive right into one of the most surprising challenges leaders face today, the fear behind success.
Many people expect success to feel amazing, but often the higher they climb, the more fear of being their true, authentic self. Dr. Dante, let's talk about this.
So why does success sometimes make people feel more afraid instead of giving. Instead of giving them that confidence or already having that confidence. Right. Based on. On success, George.
[00:01:50] Speaker B: You know, fear is. Is rooted in the unknown.
And oftentimes, when we're making those transitions to the next levels of what we perceive to be success, whether it's personally or professionally, those unknowns include how people are going to respond to us, the expectations that people have surrounding how we show up in this new role, this new level, this new capacity.
So because we can't anticipate or necessarily are sure or confident around what that looks like, we become very fearful of it, I think. So that's fundamentally what grounds a lot of our fear. I think the other side of that is also rooted in this concern around failure. Oftentimes, failure perpetuates our fear for wanting to take the next step, the next leap, make the decision.
And oftentimes, as we're progressing or we're leveling up, that fear of failure perpetuates greater concern in our ability to meet those new expectations.
[00:03:04] Speaker A: I totally agree. I totally agree. And. And one of my fears just being full transparent is public speaking, right? I've always feared public speaking, and not until I did that. The work and peel back the layers of. Until why, Right. The whys behind it.
That's when I was able to boldly. Right. Step into my purpose and passion in life. But until then, I let that fear hold me back. Right.
So how does.
From new roles or titles Sometimes make or sometimes feel louder versus quieter.
[00:03:45] Speaker B: You know, the. These new roles requires a sense of understanding what is expected and how do I show up in a manner that will meet those demands. And oftentimes without having clarity around how we should be showing up every day, what role do I play and what impact am I supposed to have?
The fear begins to take over and I often guide leaders at every level and encourage them seek clarity. You seeking a level of understanding around how others will measure your success. And this new role or this new capacity, it should be an essential part of the conversation. And then you balance that with a level of transparency with those whom you're going to be working with, whether it's peer transparency or subordinate transparency. Hey, I'm new to this role. I'm new to and I'm excited about taking this on, but I'm going to be seeking clarity. I'm going to be in this state of discovery and alignment and understanding where I can show up and be the best version of what you need me to be in this new role or this, this new expectation. So being transparent and a bit vulnerable around what you're experiencing helps you navigate these uncharted territories a bit more effectively where fear doesn't take over. Because now I'm, I'm showing you that the strongest of leaders are those who can show courage through vulnerability or transparency as you take on this new thing.
[00:05:25] Speaker A: I agree, I totally agree with that. Vulnerability is key, I think on every aspect of life. Even in relationships, workplace, with your kids. Vulnerability is, is key.
I agree.
Can you share an example of someone who looked confident all on the outside, but battle with that self doubt on the inside and how they got past it?
[00:05:48] Speaker B: Sure. I'll start with myself. I mean, I'm a, I'm a testimony to that. Right? I mean, as I progressed, I was oftentimes the only one at the table or the youngest one at the table, right. Taking on executive leadership roles. As early as my mid-20s, I remember CEO of a firm seeing the potential that I had and believing in my capability to have impact. And I was afforded an opportunity to serve as vice president of sales and operations for a holdings company. That was my first more formalized executive level role. And I'll never forget sitting around the table of these C suite executives and V suite executives and doubting myself. Right? You start to navigate this imposter syndrome and to overcome it, I often would almost become overbearing and almost preachy around the strategic visions that I would have or what I thought was really important.
And it Wasn't until I'll never forget, I had a conversation with a fellow V suite executive who was tenured, you know, 20 years experience.
And I'll never forget, she pulled me aside. She said, a lot of what you have to say is so valid and so important for the table to hear, but you're allowing your insecurities to reveal themselves. And instead of you being received thoughtfully, you're being received as preachy and pushy.
But that same energy, there's a side of that energy that is, that is positively disruptive. And so it's important to balance and reflect on your insecurities and, and your unsurities through it.
So one of the things I started to do is first just take a breath, be thoughtful around my ideas, capture what I could proactively, and be a bit more vulnerable at the table to say, hi peers, I have a thought, I have a perspective, but I may not know all the details. I may not know everything that I need to know that may inform this perspective. So I'd like to share my thoughts and solicit input. So speak less, ask more questions and listen so that you can seek a level and build a level of understanding around circumstances, the factors that influence others decisions. Because then you become more influential in how you articulate your vision, how you connect to their perceptions of what's happening. That's how you start to move the room. And it wasn't until I started to take a deep breath and be more patient with the process, seek to understand, ask more questions, be a better listener, is when I became to step into that role more effectively at that executive level.
[00:08:50] Speaker A: Absolutely. Yes. That's self awareness, man. It's, it's everything. Being able to step back and go within yourself and ask yourself these deep, deep questions. How am I showing up? Right?
How can I be a better effective leader? And then take the feedback. Right, because you took the feedback that the, the, the lady gave you. So that was, that was key. Right. And that helped you on your, your journey. Correct?
[00:09:15] Speaker B: Right. Spot on. Spot on. So there's the humility that comes with these transitions that we make in our life, personally or professionally, when we're given this, this blessing or this gift to be able to elevate.
Oftentimes you notice elevation is correlated to the impact that we are at the. Of the potential that we have to impact others positively. Right. Elevation doesn't come solely for self. But don't get me to go down that rabbit hole. I start preaching for real.
So then the other side of that is, well, I have to come with a level of humility. Elevation doesn't mean superiority.
Right. It means servitude.
That's why I'm so passionate about servant leadership. Because. Because it's essential in how we move in in accordance to how we're meant to show up in the lives of others.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: Yes, totally agree. To, to Leah. Agree.
I think it was Viola Davis said, purpose isn't just about finding it. Right. It's the impact behind. Behind it is the true, true, true purpose. Right?
[00:10:20] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:10:21] Speaker A: So powerful.
So, coming up, what do you do when an opportunity arrives before confidence?
What do you do when opportunity arrives?
For confidence, we'll explore how to embrace new opportunities with courage, even when you don't feel prepared. This is a big one, so stay tuned. With more of Dr. Dante on Flawless Conversations.
We'll be right back to remind you that healing is possible, confidence is yours, and that you are flawless.
This is Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones and you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Are you ready? Let's go.
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Welcome back. I'm here with Dante von.
Excuse me, Dr. Dante von and now we're talking about the challenges many professionals, both men and women, face.
And that is opportunities that may come before confidence.
Many times the doors will open, but inside we're wondering, are we really ready enough? Am I Ready enough?
Dr. Dante let's unpack that.
What can men and women professionals do when opportunities come faster than their confidence?
[00:12:43] Speaker B: Think about the core premise of opportunity means a set of circumstances have all come together to make something possible.
That's what opportunity is, the possibility of something. The opportunity means that if you are engaged, you are part of those circumstances that made it possible without you.
You could even challenge that that opportunity may not be true or real or its full potential may not be realized without you.
Now, understanding that becomes essential in shifting the mindset. It doesn't mean that opportunity still doesn't come with struggle or failures along the way or barriers. It simply means that there are the right circumstances. That say this possible through me or with me. And I think so it becomes a, an examination of. First, take the pressure off of yourself around the guarantee of what that opportunity will yield.
Simply see it as, I am a catalyst.
And because I'm a catalyst, I am opening myself up to whatever that opportunity may mean for me. Because I'm a learn through it either way. I'm a benefit through it either way. And those who are engaged with me, as long as I have a positive intent and mindset around what this pursuit may mean, then everyone else is going to benefit in some way as a result of it. Oftentimes we think opportunity means desired outcome. And if I don't realize that desired outcome, then I have failed.
So therefore I'm afraid to pursue it. Our confidence has to come in our belief that we are simply a catalyst to opportunity.
I think that fundamental mindset shift will help us navigate this level of confidence we may have entering the door. It's the courage to enter the door, not the confidence.
The confidence builds with knowledge, understanding, awareness, and authority around the thing.
But the courage part.
I mean, how many of us have. Look, when I first learned to ride a bike, I wasn't confident.
I just had the courage to, to ride and then fall and then get back up. Ride and then fall and get back up.
And, and that, that's, that's, that's the mindset I think we have to have.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: Yeah, it's called resilience too, right?
[00:15:31] Speaker B: Resilience. No doubt, no doubt.
[00:15:34] Speaker A: And what is that? That quote, turn your obstacles into opportunities, Right?
Like you said, they're going to come. You're gonna have obstacles, whether you CEO or you. That you a generator, either whatever level you may be.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:15:49] Speaker A: You're gonna have those, those obstacles. They're gonna come, right?
So good stuff. I love it. I love it, love it. How do you help someone see that they were chosen for a reason and not just by accident?
[00:16:04] Speaker B: Oh, well, you, you gonna get.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: Start preaching. Go ahead.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: You know, for me, I'll start. Personally, I don't believe anything is by happenstance.
So therefore, you know, everything that exists in, with life in this universe exists with purpose. Now, to your point is people understanding, connecting what that is? Well, first and foremost, the ideology we have around what our purpose is or isn't is often in misalignment to what our purpose actually is.
The oftentimes the own barrier is ourselves and our belief that deep down inside we want our purpose to be X, but our purpose is Y.
Okay, so correlate that To. To. To your question. And I. I think it has much to do with simply asking oneself in this circumstance, in this situation, no matter how unlikely I may have perceived it, no matter how unprepared I might feel about this journey I'm on or this opportunity I'm facing or this door that I've walked through, how can I show up as the best version of myself to be. To have the best positive outcome on the circumstance? Now, imagine if we entered every scenario that way. Doesn't matter if we foresaw it, doesn't matter if we even want it to be so. But in the moment, where I am is where I am. So how do I show up as the best version of myself to have the greatest positive impact on the outcome? And if I can do that at every circumstance, every situation, imagine the opportunities that. That are actually revealed through that.
So imagine if I'm something as simple as I'm sitting in traffic.
I left early, I mapped my journey, I mapped where I wanted to arrive, I knew what time I wanted to arrive, and then I encountered traffic that was unforeseen.
If I take an accountability mindset, if I look at this circumstance through the lens of how do I be the best version of myself and have the greatest impact on those around me? It shifts my mindset on how I respond to it. So what may seem to be a barrier becomes an opportunity.
We can carry that in every circumstance, because often times I believe we treat opportunities as this absolute thing, when in fact, opportunity is perpetual. It is continual, and it's. It's all encompassing. In most experiences we have in our lives, it's more about the mindset we take around it and how we approach it. I just want to be the best version of myself and have a positive impact. I've created something. So we become less of the recipients of opportunities. We become the creators of opportunity.
So it's a fundamental shift we have in how we approach opportunities in the first place and our mindset around them. Let's not go in with some prescribed notion of what I'm supposed to be and do. Let's go in to just say there's a version of me that's optimal in this circumstance, and I want to have the greatest impact on someone around me through it.
That's it.
And then the rest will kind of figure itself out, right? So if I'm stuck in traffic that I didn't foresee, who can I call?
What. What podcast can I listen to?
What. What prayer or meditation can I do?
What can I smile at the People to the left and the right of me to let them know it's all good, even though we're in traffic.
What else? Can I have a conversation with my child about the. About. About their day that I otherwise would not have had if I arrived home faster than I usually would? There's so many things that you create opportunities for.
So we become the catalyst and not just the recipient.
[00:20:15] Speaker A: Absolutely. Yes. I totally agree with that as well. I know when I'm going through any type of negative or contrast or something that's repeatedly showing up in my life, I've learned to take that step back. Right. And I'm like, coach women as well. I have them take a step back and ask yourself, but, but sit with it for a second. Sit with you. You and God. Sit with it. Right? What, what, what is the purpose of this? What, what. What can I learn from this? Right? And how can this help me grow as an individual? Right.
So those are two things that I, I use whenever I'm going through when life. Be life in. Right?
Right.
So what is one practical action? Someone, if they're doubting their readiness, meaning if they're going back and forth like, you know, someone who, who's ready to write that book or step into that business or apply for that job that they keep going on the Internet looking at. Right. What is one practical action that they can take today if they're doubting their readiness?
[00:21:24] Speaker B: A couple things come to mind as you ask. That first thing is for me, if we, if we perceive that there is a risk associated with taking a certain step, ask yourself, what are the steps I need to take to land exactly where I want to be?
And if those steps are necessary, would I want to take less steps to get there, or would I be taking more steps than what's required so that I increase my probability of landing where I want to be?
Do I want to aim? If I'm shooting for the stars, do I.
Or shooting for the moon, do I aim for the stars or do I aim for a tree?
Right.
So I think the rational thought will say, well, I better be aiming for the stars to give me a higher probability to hit them to hit, hit the moon. Don't let risk aversion cause us to aim for the trees, because the probability of me hitting the moon is, Is. Is. Is null.
So if we, if we take that rational thought, then I got. Then I'm going to. If I'm a go, I'm going, I'm going go, and I'm going to do what's necessary. I'm going to take those steps because if my desired outcome is to achieve X and I got to do what I got to do, if I want to write a book, I'm not just going to write a book, I'm going to do whatever. If I know that I need to have a concept, an idea, a manuscript and then I need to find a pathway for publishing and then I need to promote it. I need in my desired outcomes that have positive impact on my book. Okay, great. That's a traditional trajectory, but that's kind of like aiming for the trees. But I'm trying to get to the moon. What I really need to do, maybe I take some extra steps. So maybe if I'm desiring to write a book then and I have an idea and a concept, I want to understand who else follow the path and who I perceive the successful in an outcome of publishing their book. And maybe I want to study and learn a little bit more about the steps that they took.
Maybe in addition to that I have a trusted group of advisors that I that I either want to assemble or I already have so that I can pitch my concept and just get some perspectives. If I think that they kind of are the profile of people who I would want reading the book and that may inform some decisions.
You know what, instead of me just doing those things, I'll take these additional steps necessary. I want to grow my following around myself as a thought leader so that when they find out I have a book then they're going to be more inclined to want to pursue it.
Those are taking those steps that are necessary to reach the trajectory that I really want to reach. So it's taking a reverse approach to pursuing and overcoming this hesitation. I think that's one way to go. Now let's say the reality is there are some people who are so burdened with the fear of taking the step that they would never go as far as taking the extremes. Let's go on the other end of this spectrum as fear is grounded in this fundamental desire to not be harmed, to not feel pain, to not feel hurt.
Ask yourself, what truly are you afraid of?
And oftentimes we go back to the earlier conversation.
How others react to the steps we've taken, the actions we've taken oftentimes is what's rooted in our fears. Because we desire acceptance, we desire approval.
So we have to challenge ourselves to say and look within to say what am I really afraid of and why is it that I desire the acceptance and the approval for this thing that I truly believe in what am I really chasing?
Because oftentimes, if we can get after what's really holding us back and we can break that down, oh, my goodness.
The minute we can understand the depth of our hurt, our pain, our trauma. Oftentimes my executive coaching has so much more to do with the psychological implications of a person and their experiences, especially their altering childhood experiences that have perpetuated how they show up in their roles as leaders in their lives, personally and professionally. Sometimes we gotta peel back that onion far enough to say, what is it that I'm actually seeking? Or what's actually holding me back?
Because if we don't get after that, there's no, no trick, there's no magical book, there's no. There's no seminar that you're going to go to that's sustainable enough to drive you when you encounter the next barrier or obstacle in the thing that you're trying to pursue. So, yes, it requires the hard work. It requires the deep look.
[00:26:50] Speaker A: Yes, the deep work. Yes, yes, yes. I totally agree.
Totally agree. Awesome. So stay with us. Up next, we'll tackle how to grow into your next level without drowning in this thing called doubt. This is where the real transformation happens, right? This is where it begins. So go grab that cup of coffee, but make sure you come right back.
We'll be right back to remind you that healing is possible, confidence is yours, and that you are flawless.
This is Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones, and you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Are you ready? Let's go.
Welcome back to Flawless Conversations. I'm here with Dr. Dante Bond, and in this segment, we're talking about personal growth, promotions, new responsibilities, and bigger stages that bring excitement, but they also can feel very, very heavy.
Dr. Dante, as a leader, we both know that these new roles comes. It comes with pressure, right? It comes with pressure.
And without the right habits, right. Leaders risk drowning and doubt instead of rising in their truthful potential.
How do you guide leaders to grow into their next level without drowning in this thing called doubt?
[00:28:30] Speaker B: So, typically, I always start with a reflection and documentation of what the leader believes has contributed to their success thus far. Oftentimes, when leaders are transitioning to these new levels of role and responsibility or potential impact to the organization, they lose sight of the past because they're focused on the trajectory ahead. There's something. There are actions, there are habits, there are behaviors that led you to this opportunity that you've. That you've pursued now right there. There are Things that you done now, it doesn't mean you stay there because oftentimes the measure of your success has shifted now that you've taken on this new role of responsibility. But let's start foundationally there because you don't want to give up the things fundamentally that have led to your success. Be it the cadences that you've established in your life, the, the, the habits you have around communication or engagement or decision making. You know, those things become fundamental now. From there, having as clear of a picture around what your, your new or evolved measure of success is in your role becomes essential. Because if you understand it, then you can start to understand, well, where are the gaps in my current behaviors or habits and what I'll need to take on to drive my success? And it begins with a conversation both with your senior leaders, those who you report to at whatever level, and your subordinates in terms of understanding. As your leader, how can I show up and help you become as successful as you can? Because all of that feedback will start to help you shape. Okay, well, my subordinates are looking for a certain measure or frequency of communication. One on one. Okay? So if I don't have a habit of scheduling bi weekly or monthly one on ones with my team, I better have that as a new cadence around my communication. For example, my, my executive leaders may expect something of me that looks different now in terms of how I share my progress or how I track progress. All these things start to inform new behaviors or habits. You don't have to play the guessing game. Seek to understand perceptions around success at both levels and also examine what has led you to be successful and what you may need to shift or fill the void in in order to thrive in this new capacity.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes, yes. And you know what? Sometimes I, I have to remind myself, and also my clients as well, that God has already created the perfect you. Right? Our job, your job, is to allow God's power, right, to reside within us, to remove that fear, right? Because we're, we're not broken, right? We don't need to be fixed, right? Because whatever is in us is already in us, right? We just have to activate it, right?
[00:31:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, I, I think. Well said. I. We closer we get in alignment to God's purpose for our existence, the less barriers are actually barriers. They simply become stepping stones to get us even further to where we need to be relative to the impact that we're meant to have. Because we are vessels and we are mechanisms for impact, right? We're. It's like a tree, a Tree that bears fruit is not for the sake of the tree.
Our fruits are gifts. They're not meant for us.
So therefore our capacity to show up in this new level in our lives, it was destined that way. We simply have to get enough out of our heads and out of our own way to allow that fruit to bear and, and to allow those to have access to it.
[00:32:28] Speaker A: Right. And not, and not just piggyback on what you just said.
And not activating these fruits or letting these fruits produce. Right. Is a form of being selfish. Right.
Right. Because we don't need to have all these fruits to ourselves. Right. God put it in us to give it, to push it out to those who.
[00:32:47] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, no doubt.
[00:32:51] Speaker A: Love it. I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it. What is one daily habit that keeps leaders grounded while they're learning something new?
[00:33:03] Speaker B: Why?
You know. Well, it's interesting. Could you say while they're learning something new? I think I'll take a step back for a second simply to say the mindset of being a perpetual student, open to learning, open to. Right. Because I think oftentimes that as we pursue these next levels of leadership, we believe we have to know it all or that we know it all.
And, and, and that's when we have to always, at every transitional level, we're, we're always a student to the next level. We're a student to those who we are equipped to lead.
Always say the greatest, greatest leaders because they were phenomenal followers. And even though you're in a leadership capacity you're trying to follow in order to understand, we go back to servant leadership. I can't serve you if I don't know what your needs are. I have to have this pursuit of knowing. And then there's going to be things that, that you require from a servitude standpoint that I may not have all the right answers for. So I have to be open to either acquiring the information or knowledge to serve or have the humility to point you to where you need to be to be served.
And, and so, so that student mindset becomes essential. And if we remind ourselves and you'll hear individuals say, like they always learn something new.
It's, it's.
I, I want to. My greatest impact is because I'm open to learning.
And as long as I keep that mindset of, of learning and being a student, we're a student our entire life. We're refinement through this, through this cleansing and sanctification process.
[00:34:46] Speaker A: Right.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: So, so it's perpetual. So let's, let's lean into the student mindset because that we all, as we elevate, we're still students. That's become you. That's how you become term.
I have, I, I have a doctor, a doctorate that's a considered a terminal degree. The concept of terminal at its finite, but it's never really finite when we look at our life in general. It's not finite until we're terminal, until we're dead.
So it's a learning process until it's done.
So our lives of students are in the entire time.
[00:35:24] Speaker A: Absolutely. I agree. So, Dr. Dante, if our viewers want to dive deeper into your work and leadership in leadership and also culture, where can they find you online?
[00:35:37] Speaker B: Any major social platform. You'll be able to google drdantevaughn.com or you can visit my website, Lightpoint Advisors.com that's where you know, I have the pleasure of leading a leadership and organizational development practice where we serve other organizations, both at the executive, all the way to the frontline leadership level, helping them learn how to be more effective leaders or operators of their business. How they engage, how they interact, how they make decisions every day that helps them realize their organizational purpose, mission, vision. Right. So visit us there. You can check us out on LinkedIn, any major platform. You'll be able to reach out and let's connect. Let's have a conversation.
[00:36:24] Speaker A: Yes.
So flawless family. Don't go anywhere.
And when we return, we'll close this powerful session with a powerful conversation around leadership, courage and leading, even when you feel alone in this journey. We'll be right back.
We'll be right back to remind you that healing is possible, confidence is yours, and that you are flawless.
This is Flawless Conversations on new NOW Media Television.
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As we close Today's conversations with Dr. Dante Vaughn, we're tackling something many visionaries trailblazers Leaders don't talk about the loneliness that comes with the leadership.
For leaders, this can be both a challenge as well as a calling.
Dr. Dante, why do leaders often feel so isolated, even in leadership positions?
[00:38:28] Speaker B: You know, we always say it's lonely at the top, right? And often times I think it's twofold.
When you're placed in a position where you are sought after to and ultimately inform the decisions that drive outcomes, there's. There's not. There aren't many with whom you can collaborate because the higher you go, the more isolating it becomes. If you look at a typical pyramid. Right, typical pyramid in a traditional sense. At the peak of a pyramid, there's not much space for anyone else to sit.
The higher I go, the less counterparts I have to solicit. That's the perception, right? As we see leadership as a pyramid, I'm sitting at the top. It's very lonely in that context.
And it can feel that way because we bear this responsibility of leadership and decision making, and that's a responsibility that most take serious.
Now imagine if we inverted the pyramid and we recognize that in fact the most lonely isn't where we sit.
It's where the people who are closest to the front line executing every day, who don't feel like they have the power of influence over the decisions that are impacting their lives and the customer's experience.
Imagine the loneliness of that when you come in every day where you don't influence what you do, where you do it, or necessarily how you do it, or the decisions that impact it. So we have to first shift our mindset. We're not victims because we are senior leaders.
We are influencers. We invert the pyramid and we recognize that I'm actually not alone.
So all these individuals can actually play a role in the decisions that have to be made. The transparency that I have, not to the extent that it's far reaching. I don't have to shield the balance sheet of my company to my front line hourly employee, but I get to leverage this massive body of people who are all engaged on the same mission.
Imagine if I solicit and find mechanisms of sharing what's happening in the business and soliciting input and guidance.
Now I no longer feel like I'm isolated in what's informing my decision making. No longer do I feel isolated because now I have to leverage all these other points of views and perspectives and wow, that feels communal. That feels like there's a sense of greatness beyond myself to drive the outcomes of anything we don't have to feel alone in the journey. But oftentimes it comes with self. How much of that is our own ego?
[00:41:22] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:41:23] Speaker B: How much that is our, is our own misperception that because I'm being vulnerable and transparent around this, these decisions I have to make, that somehow I'm perceived as weaker.
So a lot of times our feeling of isolation and loneliness has much to do with the environment and the relationships and the circumstances that we've perpetuated, not others.
So while, yes, it does feel lonely at the top, only if you see yourself as a pyramid.
But if I see myself as a funnel, if I see my organization and the people within it as a funnel, well, that's a different experience that you'll have. Even as the senior most executive, you don't have to be the CEO in an office that no one ever sees. That's a choice you make that has a lot to do with the loneliness that you experience. Experience.
[00:42:15] Speaker A: So you're saying flip it, flip that pyramid into.
[00:42:18] Speaker B: Invert the pyramid into a funnel. And then doesn't mean you change your positioning, it means you've inverted it. You're still up there, but now you're up there with this body of individuals who now can share in this experience in a manner that's relevant to their level.
It doesn't mean that you're over overtly transparent. It doesn't mean that you're sharing insights that, that, that, that, that are in misalignment with the strategic direction of the organization or what's appropriate. It just means that now I shift how I see myself and how I navigate communication along the way. And by the way, it's helping others feel less lonely and less isolated. When the frontline leader can come out of their office and sit down and have lunch and break bread with their. Or their senior leader can break bread with their frontline team members.
Imagine how less lonely they feel. So it's this, it becomes a ripple effect when you invert that pyramid.
[00:43:16] Speaker A: Absolutely.
So on the show, Dr. Dante, I asked my guest to give a flawless fact and a flawless nugget. And flawless was a divine download for me. All my life I struggle with my flaws, right? Not being beautiful enough, not being smart enough, you know, hiding from my alopecia birthmark all the things, right? Just.
But you know, the word flawless. Society tells us it's aesthetically beautiful. The JLo's, the Beyonce, the Selen Dion, right? But Tamika, flawless, right, is self love, confidence and resilience, right? Walking in your purpose, owning who you are, your authentic self and showing up as such. Right. So can you give us a flawless fact, Something that we can put in our. Actually a flawless fact is this black fact. Is something about you something we want to know? It could be a fun fact. Anything that you want to share with us about you?
[00:44:11] Speaker B: Oh man, there's so many things. I mean I, I would say I am a lover of music.
You know, I there, I'm self taught on the piano.
I tried guitar, I haven't pursued it to the depth that I probably should.
And I'm a singer, so that's a fun fact that some closest to me know, others don't at all. And I would say what connects us, I think that music sound is so fundamental to our biological, physiological and psychological makeup. It's the one thing that consistently unifies all of us culturally.
And it's something that I connect with. So catch me at the next karaoke bar because I'll probably be there.
[00:45:09] Speaker A: That's awesome. And give us a flawless nugget, something we can put in our back pocket and use anytime, anywhere. If we're going through anything or just having our back pocket as a resource.
[00:45:21] Speaker B: Oftentimes our fears are predicated by our concern about how others perceive us.
And if we can remind ourselves in those greatest moments of fear, two things.
One, that we, as much as we are, are different. We are all very alike in that we all experience the same levels of fear no matter where an individual is in their life. They all have had moments of doubt around themselves and others. So know that you're not alone in this fear experience that you're having and this, this unknown around how people are going to receive us.
The second thing I would say is remind yourselves that you are enough. You're enough of what you need to be in that moment, in that circumstance, in that situation.
And oftentimes the things have held me back is because I didn't tell myself I was enough. And I deserve to be exactly where I was in that moment, in that circumstance, in that time.
And, and, and the more you can tell yourselves that. Write it on a piece of paper in your wallet and stick it there. I am enough. And the more we remind ourselves of that, the more we recognize, okay, so I'm not alone and I'm enough.
[00:46:39] Speaker A: Yes, I love it. I have those, I have affirmations everywhere, right?
In my car, in my car, my mirror, in my bathroom, all the places, right? And once again, when you're affirming, you know, speaking those, those things to life, you know, you don't just. Because you could just say them.
[00:46:55] Speaker B: But that's right.
[00:46:56] Speaker A: Nothing's going to change. Right. You have to believe it like you said earlier and feel it. Right. And know you know that that's who you are.
[00:47:03] Speaker B: Right.
That's right.
[00:47:07] Speaker A: Powerful, powerful, powerful. Where can people find your work to continue these conversations?
[00:47:13] Speaker B: Yeah, you know, like I said, any, any major social media platform, especially LinkedIn or go to the web link likepoint advisors.com you can visit drdantevaughn.com and there are many pathways to reach out to me, message me, email me, give me a call.
I enjoy these conversations. I enjoy trying to be a positive light in individuals lives as many have, have done for me and continue to do for me. So, so look me up there. Let's, let's continue the conversation.
[00:47:43] Speaker A: Awesome. Dr. Dante Vaughn, thank you for your wisdom and for showing us how to navigate fear, doubt and also the weight of leadership with courage and clarity. What resonated with me the most is that funnel, that funnel in that pyramid. That's, that's my greatest takeaway from this.
[00:48:03] Speaker B: Awesome.
[00:48:04] Speaker A: I'm gonna use it. And thank, thanks again. Thank you so much.
[00:48:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Appreciate you having me, Tamika. Keep doing what you're doing.
[00:48:09] Speaker A: Yes, I will, I will. Thank you. So today we uncovered how fear often hides behind success. How confidence sometimes lag behind opportunity. And how doubt can be managed with the right support tool and tools. Most importantly, we've learned that being a visionary leader, trailblazer all takes courage. Right? Confidence. Courage first. Confidence comes later as a result of that courage and that no one has to walk the journey alone. To our viewers, thank you for following us on Flawless Conversations. Until next time. Remember, your power lies not in perfection, but in authenticity. I'm Tamika Jones, this is now Media tv.
