Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Flawless Conversations, where we create safe, powerful space for women and men to heal, rise and reconnect with who they truly are. I'm your host, Tameka Jones, and today's conversation is all about reclaiming your confidence, your voice, and your worth. Joining me is Nina Mora. She's a globally recognized speaker, authority, a strategist, and a transformational leader known as the Wellness Queen. Nina is the visionary behind the get well and get healthy movement, helping women heal physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Her story, from welfare to Walking Fully in Purpose is a living testament to her resilience, faith, and self worth.
Today we're beginning with the topic so so many women quietly carry.
What happens when you feel overlooked, unseen, or invisible? Even when your heart is full and your attentions are so pure? Nina, it's such an honor to have you here today.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: It's an honor to be here today. Tameka, thank you for the invite.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: Yes. Thank you for bringing your wisdom and your heart to Flawless Conversations.
Nina. Many women experience seasons where they feel unseen, at work, in relationships, and even within their own families. Over time, this invisibility can erode confidence. It also can silent voices and create self doubt, which I know so well. This conversation focused on healing that wound and helping women reconnect with their worth, which is their birthright.
Is our birthright, regardless of who noticed or who applauds them. Right. So, Nina, can you share a time when you felt unseen and what that moment taught you about your own worth?
[00:02:03] Speaker B: Thank you so much, Tameka. You know, when I read that question, I thought of many times when I felt unseen. It was kind of difficult to choose just one.
I know a lot of my trauma began when I became a teen mom at the age of 15.
And as a bishop's daughter, you know, you feel so shameful and so guilty about, like, bringing your family name. This shame. I went to the Philadelphia High School for Girls, which is one of the most prestigious high schools in Philadelphia, and it wasn't normal to see girls in that school walking around pregnant. You know, there were three of us. Three. And one of. One of the three of us did not keep her baby. She didn't find out she was pregnant. And so she was like six months and she ended up putting her baby up for adoption. So there's two of us that actually kept our children, and that wasn't a norm. So I remember feeling very shameful, not really about the child I was carrying, because I knew that that was a gift from God, but.
But about the fact that I brought shame to My family.
And then this was a moment that taught me because I had to realize my worth.
And through the word of God, as I began to realize my worth, becoming tied to it was tied to validation, not real identity. And that moment taught me this thing, that being unseen by people does not mean you're unseen by God.
And when you understand, you might feel unseen by people, but not unseen by God.
My worth didn't increase when I was noticed and it didn't decrease when I wasn't. I want to say that again. My worth didn't increase when I was noticed, but it also doesn't decrease when you're not the truth. That truth changes everything.
When you realize that, when you realize who you are in Christ. And that took many, many years. But I think about even in my marriage, oftentimes in my marriage I felt married but alone. So I understand what it is to be married and feel alone and feel unseen, unheard.
Most arguments start and this is what people really got to understand.
When you're in relationship and covenant with people. Most arguments start because a person doesn't feel like they're being heard.
That's why arguments start. It's not even about the fact that, oh, you left the toothpaste open or, you know, you didn't clean up the dishes or a lot of arguments really start because people feel unheard and unseen. But we're going to help the women with that today.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: Yes.
I so love it. Absolutely. Absolutely. A lot of times, like you said, our, Our. Our worth is tied to validation or labels the titles. Just like you.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:57] Speaker A: Was at the school. Right. It wasn't about the baby. It was more so about your family name. Right. That title label. But once you broke that and said, no, no more, this is who I am, this is who God created me. And, and I'm. And I'm bringing forth a powerful seed. Right. A child.
[00:05:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:05:14] Speaker A: That's when you were able to. To. To tap and tap into who you are and walk in your purpose. That's good, Nina. I love it. I love it.
How does being overlooked slowly affect a woman? Confidence.
And how also how she shows up in life. Right.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: So when a woman is overlooked long enough, she starts shrinking. But it's not physical. It's not physical shrinking. It's spiritual. It's emotionally like shrinking.
Making yourself so. So oftentimes women try to make dumb themselves down to make sure that everybody else around them feels safe.
Like their gift is not supposed to be big. A woman edits herself. She quiets her voice, she lowers her Own expectations. And over time, she forgets she was ever meant to take up space.
What happens when we do that is confidence erodes slowly and silently. And then you'll find women will say things like, well, I'm just quiet. I'm just shy.
I'm just shy. What's crazy is I really am an introvert. But, but, but we. We say those things to give us permission to dumb ourselves down when really our emotions and our spiritually and emotionally, we're distraught because we believe that we had to shrink to make everybody else feel safe or comfortable around us.
[00:06:41] Speaker A: Yes, yes. And. And. And I so know about that. I've served 23 years in the military, and I felt just that, right? I had to. To shrink or silence my voice because of, you know, who I. Who I.
Who I was at a room full. A table full of men or whoever. Right. So, yeah, to shrink or your voice isn't. Is it valid at this time? Sit back and listen to, you know. So, yeah, I know. So.
[00:07:06] Speaker B: Well, what is it? Be seen, not heard.
[00:07:09] Speaker A: Yes, but we were taught.
[00:07:11] Speaker B: So think about all of the damaging things, Tamika. We've been taught as a kid. We were taught, be seen, not heard.
Your feelings matter. Get your hands off your imagination. And we were that say, yeah, right. We were taught that we really couldn't vocalize how we felt because that was a sign of disrespect.
When now our young people are learning, hey, I should be able to talk. I should be able to speak and share with you how I feel. It's not disrespect, but I'm a human being. Like, I should be seen in her too. So I believe when we think about a lot of. A lot of how we feel now is really stems from how we were raised. But our parents, they didn't know any better. They were doing what their parents did. And think about it. All of our traumas go back to slavery when our people were beat into submission, you know, and so that is a learned behavior. Spanking kids is a learned behavior. Kids do need discipline.
That is why a lot of them are off the chains, because they need discipline. But there is a way to do it. And we just repeated cycles based on what we learned as learned behavior. Oh, they're not listening. Just beat them.
Beat them, you know, and that is a slavery mentality. So all of that trauma goes back to that, like not being heard. You know, you were. They were told to come into the house, work in the house, but don't you open your mouth, don't you Say a thing.
It's a, it's a generational cycle that goes all the way back in our ancestry trees. And we have to be the voice to break the cycles.
[00:08:51] Speaker A: Absolutely, Absolutely. I so agree with that. And I remember stepping into my, my purpose and stepping into. To Tamika. I had to go back and peel back layers of trauma from childhood where I would go to school every day. And before I go to school, my mom would say, don't cause no smoke, sit in the back of the classroom, don't raise your hand, be quiet, shut up, do your work and come home. Right. So I live my life as such. Right. In the South. Right. So.
And it was what she knew and what she went through. Right. When her, her, her years and what her mom went through. So I had to break that. Right. Until we, we don't know what we don't know. But when you do know and start doing the work in the healing, guess what?
[00:09:34] Speaker B: Yeah. The inner hit. You know, another thing to me as you were talking and what about when we were told, oh, you're just loud or you're, you're a bossy, you're, you're bossy. And here's the thing. Yeah. When we identify a young, especially a young lady as being bossy, we didn't teach her or we weren't taught or you have leadership capability, but it was your bossy. And so you shrink again.
Because now I'm being told I'm bossy. Let me dumb this down. Let me, let me tame this because I don't want to appear bossy when, when it's funny. Our 11 year old is what the world might call bossy. Right. But I, I've seen leadership capability in her since she was 1 years old, 2 years old. You know, she was able to captivate rooms at a very young age. And so the moment that we really undo, it's really unlearning. It's not what we got to learn, it's what we've got to unlearn so that we can stop passing on that kind of drama and chaos and trauma to all the generations and, and recognize it for what it is that you've got some leadership capabilities. Let me mold and shape that so that you can become the best version of yourself.
[00:10:52] Speaker A: Yeah, those, those paradigms and, and self limiting beliefs and. Yeah. All the things. Yes, yes, yes, yes, I agree.
[00:10:59] Speaker B: Learn behaviors.
Behaviors.
[00:11:02] Speaker A: Yeah. So Nina, what affirmation would you offer to women, to a woman or man who is ready to be seen again?
[00:11:09] Speaker B: I love, I move forward with grace. Not Permission.
I move forward with grace, not permission. And I. I move forward with grace, not permission, and I trust who. Who I am as I unfold.
[00:11:27] Speaker A: That's powerful.
That is powerful. Can you say that one more time so the audience come right back down?
[00:11:33] Speaker B: Let's say it again.
Let's say it again. I move forward with grace, not permission, and I trust who I am as I unfold. We don't need permission. We just need God's grace.
[00:11:47] Speaker A: God's grace, Right. Who lives inside of us already here. Yes. So coming up, we'll talk about the fear many women feel around being fully seen and how to feel safe showing up as your true, authentic self.
[00:12:01] Speaker B: We'll be right back.
[00:12:05] Speaker A: And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones and you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Are you ready?
Welcome back to Flawless Conversations. Want more of what you're watching? Stay connected to Flawless Conversations in every NOW Media TV show, live or on demand, anytime, anywhere. Download the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and unlock non stop bilingual programming in English and in Spanish on the move. You can also catch the podcast version right at our website at www.nowmedia.tv. from business to news to lifestyle culture and beyond, Now Media TV is available around the clock. Ready whenever you are. Welcome back to Flawless Conversations. I'm here with Nina and in this segment we're exploring the tension so many women feel wanting to be seen, yet fearing rejection, judgment, or even being misunderstood whenever they truly show up.
So, so many women long for visibility but hold back out of fear. Past wounds, nervous system response and self protection patterns can make authenticity feel unsafe.
Nina, what fears come up for women when they fully imagine being fully seen?
[00:13:41] Speaker B: You know, I used to feel that the fear was rejection, but I realized working with so many women now that it's really not rejection, it's exposure.
Women are fearing being judged, they're fearing being misunderstood. They're really afraid of abandonment.
And, and that is all the fears that they have once they're fully visible. Like what happens once I get in this, in this realm where now I'm fully, I'm out there. Right. And then what happens is we got to be transparent. And because we have been taught that failure is a bad thing all of our lives, we're afraid that the failures will be exposed the flaws. This is a Flawless Conversation.
Afraid of the flaws being exposed. When, when we really begin to understand that failure is nothing but the classroom to success.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: And that we can embrace our failures, that it doesn't make us A failure. But it means, guess what failure means? We tried.
And so not only is that the fear of failure, of exposure, judgment, being misunderstood, abandonment, there's the fear of success.
Because what if I'm seen and then I can't maintain it? And so a lot of people will only do. A lot of women, come on, ladies. Will do just enough.
Because we are now afraid of what it takes to become the next version of ourselves. Having to maintain the capacity.
Right. Of who we're becoming. And, and the thing is, a lot of times our capacities are changing and elevating so fast. We have to keep progressing. And a lot of women, people, men too. You too. But especially women, right? That's what we're talking to today.
Don't want to have to go through the now. I just got comfortable being who I am this month. What if God requires for that to change again next week? And that is where a lot of times we get stuck. Stuck. Because now I'm seen. But now how do I maintain this?
[00:15:49] Speaker A: I. Evolving. We're constantly. Yeah, constantly leveling up. If you choose to. Right. And I like that. When I think of failure, I think a few for my success. And that's what I told women too. Failure is only few.
[00:16:00] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:16:01] Speaker A: Your success.
[00:16:04] Speaker B: Every eraser, every pencil was created with an eraser for a reason.
[00:16:09] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: You know, so, I mean, come on, there was going to be a mistake. There's white out. There's, you know, nothing. Failure isn't final.
No, it's not final. And failure in the process, right? In the process. Think about who we become in the process. We learn so much about ourselves. We learn what not to do. We learn who we are, what we like, what we don't like. There are so many things. And when we can embrace that, hey, I'm not always going to hit the mark. I'm not always going to go bullseye. But I'm. But the thing is, as long as I'm pulling it and taking that shot or throwing that dart, you know, I'm. I may not hit bullseye, but guess what? I'm gonna hit the board.
[00:16:50] Speaker A: Yes. And that was my divine download when. When the word flawless came to me. And, and it's not what society. Society's definition is something aesthetically beautiful. The Beyonce's, the JLo's, the Celine Dion's. But it's not about that. It's about being the best version of yourself. Walking in your truth and knowing who you are. Right. And your God given purpose. And what I always tell women, your flaws don't Define you. They refine you. And all my life I struggle with my flaws. My alopecia, my lazy eye, my birth. I hit, I hit.
[00:17:20] Speaker B: Oh, my nose is too big. Oh my. This is too bad. And my feet are too big. And my. Right now, I can't never.
Right?
[00:17:29] Speaker A: Not fast enough. Not. Not wide. All the things, right?
How do we shift that way of thinking? Right?
[00:17:36] Speaker B: How do we.
[00:17:39] Speaker A: How does hiding parts of ourselves affect our emotional and physical well being?
[00:17:43] Speaker B: Here's the thing.
There's. It's really.
I know it's going to sound crazy. It's so simple to shift it because when we hide, we create tension. So a lot of us women have been stressed out because now we're hiding. You're creating tension. You're lonely, right? Emotionally, it shows up as anxiety. It even feels like numbness. Physically, it can manifest as fatigue. It can manifest as weight, which is what happened to me. I had gotten, you know, gotten myself to. I was 300 pounds.
Weight. Struggles, inflammation, hormonal imbalances. The body keeps score of what we suppress and then it expresses it.
That's what happens. The body will keep score. So we think we're hiding and we're not. Because the body is keeping score. I'm. I'm a former hair stylist. 27 years. I slay behind a chair.
I knew when my clients were stressed out, going through anxiety or whatever the case may be because the hair showed it all. The hair showed it all. And so we think we're hiding and we're not. We're suppressing it. But let's talk about what it looks like when you actually show your true self. Because I know that leads right into what we were getting ready to talk about.
Safety is not Tamika. It's not the absence of fear.
People think that to be safe, that means I can't be afraid. Courage is not the absence of fear.
Safety is not the absence of fear. Guess what it is. It's self trust.
It's. It's knowing that even if I'm not received in the way that I hoped I would be received, I will not abandon myself.
Me. I'm a one. I'm a one girl show. Right? Right. Me. And no matter what other people think, because we'll change our minds. We'll. We'll change. We'll be strong. On a topic like, no, this is what I believe. But because it may not be popular or other people don't agree with us, we'll allow ourselves to be sued, persuaded, and will sway to fit in when no that's not how I feel. That's not the way that I see it. That's not the way God showed it to me. And I'mma stand on what I believe.
Self trust.
[00:19:56] Speaker A: Yes. That faith. That's what it boils down to is faith. Faith in yourself, faith in God, faith in knowing that God lives in you. That I could do all things. I could be all things.
[00:20:07] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:20:08] Speaker A: Love it.
[00:20:08] Speaker B: Using that word when it applies in every facet of our lives.
We. We can quote that scripture, but can we live the scripture?
[00:20:19] Speaker A: Right?
Right.
[00:20:21] Speaker B: That every time I am faced with a challenge, I am often telling myself, I think I can. I think I can. Like, I'm thinking about the little. The little engine that could. And all the things we read and we rehearsed and recited as kids that now we become adults. And the moment, the very moment there's tension, the moment that it's. It's a little challenging, the moment it feels like, gosh, I don't know how to. I don't know how to do that. We retract, we retreat instead of continuing to tell ourselves, you know why? Because you got to change the verbiage what you're saying to yourself instead of saying, oh, my gosh, this is so hard. I can't do this. I can't do this. We have to tell ourselves, I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I'll figure it out. I think I can. And when you rehearse that, it's really all selft talk. What are you saying to yourself?
[00:21:07] Speaker A: Those affirmations. Reprogramming the mind is. Is. Is key.
Flip the script like you said. You. And then you held up that. That p pen and that reraser. And that reminded me that we are the authors of our story.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: We are.
[00:21:21] Speaker A: We are the authors. We can write and rewrite and erase as many times as we start a new chapter. Hey, you need to tear it out and write it.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: Tear it out.
[00:21:33] Speaker A: I love it.
[00:21:34] Speaker B: Alt. Delete. I say that oftentimes in my life. Control. Delete, delete it. And, and, and guess what? When you, you know, there's a time when you put stuff in the trash in your computer, right? And it'll say, do you want to permanently delete this?
You can't get it back. We got to do a permanent delete of all the stuff that we're replaying in our minds over and over again. Every failure, every this, every time they said something bad about you. And instead, psychology side of that is requires 25 times of saying something Positive to delete one negative thought thing that you've been told about yourself. It could possibly take 25 or more times to delete the one negative thing. So that is why when people say to me, well, you're always reciting those affirmations and you're. They're all over. They're all over. Like, literally. I keep signs, and I keep them on bright paper. You know why I do this bright. The bright paper thing? Because I want to be reminded of the things that I'm telling myself over and over and over again. And I want it to be bright. I want it to be bright so that I'm seeing it. It's on my mirror, in my bathroom. I'm constantly reminding myself, you know why? We've already done that through years of reminding ourselves what we weren't. So now, because I need to reprogram myself every day, I tell my daughter every day, who are you? You're the head and not the tail. Above only and not beneath. You are the lender and not the borrower. You are the first and not the last. Right. You are rich, not poor. You're wise, you're smart, you're kind.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: You're important.
[00:23:03] Speaker B: You're beautiful. And tell yourself these things every single day. Because the world is coming at us.
[00:23:08] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:23:09] Speaker B: Every day.
And we're going to continue to unlearn all of the bad behaviors and all of the habits that we've created for ourselves and replace them with new ones.
[00:23:19] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes, yes. Affirmations are key and, and, and, and, and not even just key, but just saying them because anybody can say them. Right? You can say them all day long and nothing, nothing happened. But the key is feeling it and embodying it.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:32] Speaker A: Coming it. I am beautiful. Not just saying it, but being it, showing it. Right. That's the key, is that feeling. Yeah. And I think when we connect to that Nina, it's on. And popping.
[00:23:42] Speaker B: It is.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: Damn.
So, Nina, for the viewers who want to continue on their healing journey, where can they connect with you to get more about get well and get healthy?
[00:23:56] Speaker B: So, you know, I'm. I keep it the same every. Every platform I'm on, you're going to find me as Nina Mora or Nina Rochelle Mora on Instagram. I am the real Nina Mora. And that is because my previous account was stolen from me.
And so that is why my Instagram says, the real Nina Moore. I want everybody. And I really do go through my messages and I respond. So if you want to, you know, get to that Instagram page, you're going to see my, my Stay in Store link. You'll be able to find every platform I'm on from my stand store. But Instagram is really, really important. Connect with me there and, and follow my Instagram. Because I pray for you all the time, like, often. Weekly, you're going to get prayers. Monthly, you're going to get prayers. Sometimes it's bedtime prayers. We open up the month together, we open up our weeks together. And I want to make sure that I am putting you, your name, your family's name, you know, in my heart and in my spirit, on my mind to be praying for you every single day. Definitely connect with me on Instagram.
[00:24:56] Speaker A: Awesome. And she do check her, her, her Facebook dms. I know for sure because I slid in her dm. So I've been talking for a while and I'm like, she's on fire, y'. All. So definitely connect, connect, connect with her. Okay, so up next, we'll talk about breaking free from that comparison trap without shaming yourself for doing it. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.
We'll be right back. To remind you that healing is power possible, confidence is yours, and that you are flawless.
This is Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones, and you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Are you ready?
[00:25:48] Speaker B: Let's go.
[00:25:51] Speaker A: Welcome. Welcome back to Flawless Conversations.
In this segment, we're addressing something nearly every woman experience, the comparison trap and how to meet it with compassion. Instead of criticism, comparison often masks deeper emotional needs like belonging, reassurance, even validation.
Rather than shaming ourselves for it, this conversation reframes comparison as information, guiding women back to their own lane in their own timing and their own worth.
Nina, how does social media change the way women compare themselves?
[00:26:30] Speaker B: Oh, that's a big one.
That's a big one. That's a big one. Because comparison is the thief of joy. Yes, it's the thief of joy. And a lot of people don't understand what it takes to go into what, what you see on social media. The cameras, the lights, the makeup. Right? That is not real life. What you see is not real life. But social media comparison used to be local. You used to compare yourself to the girl at church or to the girl at work or to the girl at school. Now it's global and it's constant.
We're comparing real lives to curated moments, you know, to. To filters. And it quietly, literally steals our joy if we're not intentional.
[00:27:16] Speaker A: Yes, I like that. You just Said something and I just wrote it down too.
We're comparing real lives L I V S L I V E s to real lies.
[00:27:30] Speaker B: That's so powerful.
It's really, you know, when you, let's put it this way, sometimes there are people that are these big social media influencers. Right. And Tamika, you don't know that they living in a, in a little room and all they got is this one wall behind them and on the other side of the wall they might have a little studio apartment. I'm not speaking down against anybody having a studio apartment, but what I'm saying is you're thinking that this person is this multi millionaire and they just put a lot of money into the wall behind them and they might be living in a studio apartment, barely making ends meet, and on the other side is their little table where they eat and all of that. So you cannot get caught, caught up in what you see curated on social media. And now you are comparing yourself to what you think you see. Start following people who show you all of their life, the good and the bad.
Right there, There are times I'll show people I don't even have a wig on. Like, I don't even have a wig on today. I might have a scar. Like, you gotta follow people who are gonna show you all of them and not just the moments that are the good moments.
[00:28:35] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:28:36] Speaker B: The highlight wheels.
[00:28:37] Speaker A: Yes. And, and I tell these young women that all the time because I think they struggle the most with this comparison trap. Right. On social media. Right. And they're spending half of their day scrolling. And, and, and then that's where the depression, the anxiety, because they're trying to keep up with the, the Joneses and the Joneses don't exist. Right.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: Do you see how many young women are having plastic surgery?
And here's the thing. I, I'm not speaking against any of the things that we do to want to enhance ourselves, to look beautiful or whatever the case may be. But young women, I'm talking women in their 30s, 20s, you know, some women that haven't even had children yet. You know, the, the whole mommy makeover thing was, was created for women who had had multiple kids. Now their breasts were sagging, their, their, you know, buttocks are dragging and, you know, and the thighs and the stomach. And that was created and that not for just a girl who's in her 20s who just want to look like Nicki Minaj. And so I want you to think about all of what social media has done to especially these young girls that are Going to have plastic surgery on their faces there. I mean it's gone beyond hair extensions and lashes that sometimes look like hair brushes. And it's just. It has gone way too far with people trying to compete with what they see on social media. Like the bigger the butt the better or the smaller the waist. I don't. Because we just don't feel comfortable with ourselves where the mommy makeover was just to kind of get us tight again. After you. If your body was stretched all out of shape from having multiple kids. The. The whole. Now it's a trend. Now it's a trend, you know, to have this snatched waist and a big booty. And that doesn't define who you are.
[00:30:26] Speaker A: Doesn't. It doesn't. That's why everything starts with the. Goes back to the mindset. Shifting these.
How we see ourselves internally first. Right. Work on yourself in work. Then everything will be pushed out outward. Right.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: Well known by the fruit that it bears. Hey, we can see. Doesn't matter what you look like on the outside of your inside is corrupt.
[00:30:49] Speaker A: Ah, say it again. Say it again.
[00:30:51] Speaker B: It doesn't matter what we look like on the outside if the inside is corrupt, ugly.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: Right. Right.
[00:30:59] Speaker B: That comparison thing is a. It's often a search for reassurance.
[00:31:04] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:31:04] Speaker B: That's what comparison is. It's. It's like asking am I okay? Am I enough? Am I behind? And you start thinking about all of those things. You'll be. You'll be in a. In a. Caught in a maze. Calling a maze. Trying to find yourself by comparing yourself to what you think you see. That's the key. It's what you think you see. It's not really what you see.
[00:31:28] Speaker A: Perception. Right?
[00:31:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:30] Speaker A: Right, Right, right, right. And you answered the next question. The emotional part of it. What emotional need is compare. Is comparison trying to meet. And like you said, the validation am I enough?
[00:31:41] Speaker B: Right. You're constantly seeking valid. And what happens with. Now you're in a relationship. Right. And if that man or woman is not constantly validating you now, you're in trouble because you need your ego stroked often because you need them. Am I pretty? Am I them? Do I look nice? And yeah, granted, every woman wants to hear that she looks great. Right? You look pretty. But I can look in the mirror and tell myself I look great too.
[00:32:07] Speaker A: Hello. All day long. Yes, ma'.
[00:32:09] Speaker B: Am.
I'm amazing.
[00:32:12] Speaker A: You go seeing that next validation like you said now. Okay. I got my.
[00:32:15] Speaker B: My.
[00:32:16] Speaker A: My butt done. Or my waist snatch. No. Okay, maybe I need to get my lips done now or Maybe I need to just the outer stuff. Maybe I'll feel better if I just go to the spa and get a manual. No, it's inner work. You have to start from the inner. Right. All that stuff is surface. It's surface and it's enhancements. Right. But it doesn't supposed to be the end. All right. Inner work is. Is where we start.
[00:32:41] Speaker B: There's a great book that I read that would help a lot of people who feel like they're stuck in this place. What, what do you say, what do you say to yourself when you talk to yourself?
That self talk is so important. And I might be off one of the words or two, but look it up. What, what are you saying you to yourself when you're talking to yourself? That book was very transformative for me.
[00:33:03] Speaker A: Okay, okay. Good stuff. Good stuff. Yeah. Because we are worst critics, right?
[00:33:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:08] Speaker A: And also talk about the guards, right? These, these thoughts that we have. And I also compared to Buckingham palace, like the guards there at the gate, and they're not moving unless the Queen said, hey, step aside. Right. And we're the Queen. We have to tell those guards to step aside. If not, they're going to stay there. They're going to stay, oh, I'm ugly, I'm fat, or, you know, I'm not enough. Right. All these things that we make up in our mind as to who we, who we are. Right.
So we have to reframe it and reshift it and know that we are child of God who lives.
Right. I'm just so all over the place, but I love it. I just want more of you. Keep bringing this energy.
[00:33:52] Speaker B: Yeah. This is so good. This is so good. It's really because I, as I was reading the questions, it really took me through my own journey and I started to think to myself, wow, I remember when I was a wreck, I was a mess.
And that is because we sweep our emotions. We were taught to sweep them under the rug.
I, I did not face what I was feeling and dealing with until after I went through my divorce. And after going through my divorce, I started walking the track to shed some of the physical weight that I was feeling. But there's a lot of weights that bind us that are not just physical, but they manifest in the physical.
And I, I really feel like I was reintroduced to who I am on that track, shedding weight and started taking the moment for myself to just breathe and be present in life to really understand who and whose I was and who I am, who's and who I am. And so that reflection when you were asking these questions and I was reading, I said, wow, I remember when I was that. I remember when I was that, you know, and a lot of self work went into being who I am today. I had to change what I was listening to, who I was talking to, who I was around, what I was reading, what I put in my eyes. Before my eyes. There were a lot, there's a lot of things I won't watch because we don't understand that we're being programmed. So like all the housewife drama and stuff like that, I don't, I don't watch that stuff. I've never watched it.
A lot of them. I was at a party last night, a Christmas party, and they were playing music and I was thinking, like thinking to myself, wow, I've never heard this music and it's stuff that I never wanted. So I'm guarding my ear gates, guarding my eye gates, guarding my spirit. Putting boundaries right around me to make sure that I am guarding what I hear, what I see. Because all of that plays a part in who we become.
And, and we believe that we have to be shameful about these boundaries, that we have to be shameful about becoming. We believe that instead of judgment, I. I had to tell myself this is my nervous system seeking safety. So it wasn't judgment, but we know internally when we are looking for safety and we have to be okay with it. Awareness without condemnation is what breaks the cycle.
And we've spent way too much time with condemnation.
Yes, you're going to hell. Condemnation, beating ourselves down. We made a mistake. We've done some things, but guess what? We are not our flaws. Oh, we're not our flaws.
[00:36:42] Speaker A: They refine us. They don't define us. They refine us, right? Yes, yes, yes, yes. And in that frequency, right, everything carries a frequency. Like he was talking about the music and the shows and stuff, right? You tapping into that frequency, that, that energy from this show, and you wonder why everything is chaotic within your home, right? Or at work or wherever, right? Because that's what you, you're attracting. You're, you're sitting down watching thoughtless shows, shows that doesn't. Isn't edifying your soul and helping you grow. Guess what? You wonder why you're not growing.
You're not going to grow, right? Because you own it. You own the wrong frequency. You on am, you're supposed to be on fm high frequency, right?
So what is one simple reminder? Help women know their journey is enough. Just as it is one simple reminder.
[00:37:29] Speaker B: The word of God says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
And you know why? I always reference back to the word of God and that's whether you're a believer or not. Because I can't argue with what the word says about me.
I can't argue with it. The word says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The word says that I am created in his image.
My path is custom designed. I am not late, I am not behind.
And there is nothing lacking. And when we understand that my path and I want y' all to write that down, say it to yourself. My path is custom designed. I am not late, I am not behind. And there is nothing lacking.
[00:38:15] Speaker A: Divine timing. I love it. Up next, we'll close with the powerful, powerful conversation about allowing yourself to evolve without apology. Flawless fam. You definitely do not want to miss this last segment. More to come on Flawless Conversations.
We'll be right back to remind you that healing is possible, confidence is yours, and that you are flawless. This is Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Tameka Jones and you're watching Flawless Conversations on NOW Media Television. Are you ready?
[00:38:58] Speaker B: Let's go.
[00:39:01] Speaker A: Welcome back to Flawless Conversations. Don't miss the second of your show or any of your NOW Media favorite TV shows. Available live or on demand, wherever and whenever you want. Grab the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and enjoy instant access to our lineup of bilingual programs in both Spanish and English. Prefer to listen to the podcast? Listen to Flawless Conversations anytime on the Now Media TV website at www.nowmedia.tv covering business, breaking news, lifestyle, culture and more. Now Media TV is available 24 7, so the stories you care about are always within reach.
Welcome back to Flawless Conversation. As we close, we're leaning into a deeply friend truth. Growth is not betrayal. It's evolution.
And it doesn't require an apology.
Many women hold back, hold themselves back because growth can disappoint others or disrupt familiar roles. Nina, what does it mean to outgrow the old version of self often? I often talk about this, but I want your spin on it. What does it mean to outgrow the old versions of yourself?
[00:40:21] Speaker B: It means evolution. It's just evolving. And growth is painful. That is why it's called growing pains.
[00:40:32] Speaker A: Love it.
[00:40:34] Speaker B: Evolution. It just one word. We don't even need to dive more in. It's just evolution.
[00:40:38] Speaker A: Evolution.
Got it. So why do women feel guilty or feel guilt when they change or want more? And I know you talked about this. I think segment one, you Kind of get on.
[00:40:50] Speaker B: But that is because women are conditioned to be consistent for others and not truthful to themselves.
And we're afraid of this when we evolve. Right. Let's just say you got a bestie, and you and your bestie started off on the same page. Right. But now you're evolving.
Most people are afraid of leaving others behind, so we become, like, not truthful to ourselves.
Growth disrupts familiarity. And familiarity. Familiarity feels like loyalty.
[00:41:27] Speaker A: And a lot of times we bond through our trauma. Trauma bond.
[00:41:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:41:32] Speaker A: And then we grow. Right? And then we're. We're. We're. So we have to determine if this person is we bonded. Trauma bond. Or do we have a healing bond.
[00:41:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:41:41] Speaker A: And there's a difference.
[00:41:42] Speaker B: Or can you transition from trauma to healing together? And you can. If. If everybody's committed. Both people or all people are committed to the work. But if you got one person that's still trying to hold on to that baggage, you have to go and evolve. You might be able to go back and get them. You might not.
[00:42:03] Speaker A: Yes.
Why not? And it's okay. Everybody's not gonna go through that door. Everybody can't fit through the door. And it's okay. It's totally okay. How can women honor who they were while becoming who they are now?
[00:42:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I like this one. You thank her.
You don't shame her. You thank her and you say, you know what? You got me here, and I'll take it from here.
Thank the old version of yourself. Because literally, what happens is our. I believe that our lives are not our own.
And everything we go through, it may not even be for us, but it may be for us to minister to the next woman. Right. To pay it forward. So thank her. I thank you. You serve me in that season, but I am no longer that girl.
[00:42:49] Speaker A: Ah, yes. That living vessel, right?
[00:42:51] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:42:52] Speaker A: That vessel. When the light shine. I love it, I love it, I love it. So, Nina on Flawless Conversations. I asked my guests for Flawless Nugget. Anything that you want or to share that the audience can take away, possibly put in their back pocket or give to a family member co worker.
Just a moment of truth and a moment of inspiration, motivation, wisdom that they can take with them always.
[00:43:16] Speaker B: Yeah. The easiest thing or the first thing that popped to my mind was that your past does not dictate your future.
It has no bearings on who you are. There was a time in my life when I wouldn't speak because I felt like I didn't speak. Like my brother.
My brother who is like, when he talks, it just Sound like cum cum laude, right? Like he. He sound like he talking out of an encyclopedia, right? And my dad, who was. Who's been preaching for years, I wouldn't speak because I didn't sound like them.
You know what I did? You know what I did? I embraced who I am. I embraced the fact that there is a market of people who want to hear it the way that I say it. And then what I did, Tamika, was I spent time improving who I am. So I. I invested in speakers, classes, and things like that. Because my past. Okay, it's my past, right? Doesn't mean that I have to stay there. It doesn't dictate my present, and it won't dictate yours either, nor your future.
[00:44:20] Speaker A: Absolutely. Nina, hit us with the flawless fact. Something we should know about you. Or it could be funny, fun, whatever. Just give it to us.
[00:44:30] Speaker B: So I think two things that I. I thought about when you said, okay, what's something that most people. And I said one of those things earlier that I am introvert.
I have to force myself. I was at that Christmas party last night. I could have just sat in the corner the whole time, and I would have been just fine watching everybody else. Now I love. So what I've learned is as an introvert, to give yourself permission to have extroverted moments.
[00:44:54] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:44:55] Speaker B: All right, Give yourself permission just. Just to have a moment where you can come out of your introversion, right, and be extroverted for that moment. You don't have to change who you are. Then you can go back. When I left there, I was like, my social battery was a little low, and I was ready to get in the car and get out of there. And the other thing that a lot of people don't know about me is I love to play cards. And I'm very, very good. But because people would never think that I am as good as I am, I beat a lot of people. And it's funny, when we got into the vehicle that was taking us from the parking lot to the party last night, some of the guys that I beat were in the car, and they were like, I've impressed. I got better. I got better. Nina, we gonna play again. You know, and so that is. I'm a card shark. I'm very good at, like, spades and Pinocchle. But I'm. I'm a skillful player, and I love hosting as much as I'm an introvert, Tamika. I love hosting people in my home.
[00:45:48] Speaker A: Oh, wow, That's. Wow. Okay.
I Call myself an omnivert. That's what I.
[00:45:54] Speaker B: That's what I. Oh, I like that.
I'm gonna adopt that. Let me write that down and omni myself that, Neil.
[00:45:59] Speaker A: But I don't know how true that is. But yeah. So hopefully posting. I. I'll. I'll work my way up to that.
[00:46:05] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:46:06] Speaker A: Work my way up to that.
Nina, this has been powerfully.
This has been incredible. So much wisdom and so much fun. Where can people follow your work and continue this conversation so they can definitely.
[00:46:18] Speaker B: Follow me on Instagram? I think you put it up there at the real Nina Moorer. If you follow me there, it'll lead you to my Facebook. My Stand Store link is there so that you can see all of the work that I'm doing. You know, the books, some of the books that I've written are all in my Stand Store right there in my Instagram. So it's the best place to connect with me because you'll be able to kind of follow my journey right through.
[00:46:37] Speaker A: Instagram because you have so much.
[00:46:40] Speaker B: There's a lot.
[00:46:42] Speaker A: The super patch. The.
[00:46:43] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:46:43] Speaker A: So much.
[00:46:44] Speaker B: So much.
[00:46:45] Speaker A: What else do you get? What else?
[00:46:46] Speaker B: So I speak. I'm. I'm an MC and I'm a host and I do a lot of virtual hosting and in person hosting. As a matter of fact, they're messaging me right now to book me for some things in January. But that is what you're going to see me on a lot of people's platforms because I am the hostess of the mostest.
[00:47:02] Speaker A: Oh, I love it. Love it, love it. Thank you, Nina. Thank you for showing up with so much honesty, warmth and wisdom. Today we talked about reclaiming confidence, creating safety to be seen, releasing comparison, that comparison trap and also allowing ourselves to evolve with grace. To every woman watching, your voice matters. Your journey is valid and who you are becoming is worthy of celebration. You don't have to rush, explain, or apologize for your growth, sis. I'm Tamika Jones and this is flawless conversations where healing meets empowerment and women rise with truth.
